Note: There is a surprise for you all in this chapter so read carefully...

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Lal Gulab ke un kaanto main,

Beeti shamon ke sannaton main....

Haseen zulfon ki kali raton main,

Meethi meethi un baton main....

Pyaar bhare un wadon main,

Bichhadne wali un mulaqaton main...

Un yaado ki kitabon main,

Rim jhim barish ki awazon main....

Darya-e-Waqt ki lahro main,

Teri aakhon ko un pehro main,

Humne to Sirf tujhe hi paya hai 

Zindagi ke sare chehron main...

(darya-e-waqt =River of Time)

(pehra/pehro = guarding)

_Naaz Jamal

04.07.2020

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SHIFA'S POV :

A few months ago, I met my biological father... His condition was worser then I thought, I was thinking that might be he was living a good life with his second wife and Children but the reality was opposite to my expectations. I was thinking that I was living a miserable life due to him but my life was much better than him. After that meeting Papa's strictness towards me become less, he still use to scold me every now and then but now we talk to each other, sometimes about my studies and sometimes about random things, but still he never said anything kind to me.... Mumma said that papa has unexpressive nature, he don't like to share his feelings with anyone... Its quiet true, but I'm satisfied at leasthe isn't that much strict with me like before.

Now leave this topic...

You must be thinking about my life... About Faraz and what happened with Kashif and all these things.... Right?

So Let's start the story of what happened three years ago...

But first let me introduce myself with you all..

I know you already know about Shifa.. But you all know the timid, innocent Shifa who was only 19 but now I'm 22 and I'm a completely different person.

Right now I'm doing B.Sc and I'm in last semester of graduation, I'm one of the favourite students of my teachers because of my confidence level and the way of my talking in group discussions and debates.

Now.... come back to point, three years ago I decided to end my life... After a long discussion with myself I realised that its my life and Kashif and Faraz weren't that much worthy that I left my life for them.. My life wasn't so much cheap that I left that just because for someone.

Next morning Papa and all were on breakfast table, I also join them. Papa informed mummy that Aazam uncle and Nida aunty was saying to come, mumma wasn't looking happy, she said that she want some time to think for that but I broke my silence.

"Mummy, papa, I don't wanna do Marriage" I said and papa furrowed his brows.

"Why?" papa asked and I stay silent until he repeated his question

"I don't wanna be a maid without any pay" I said with angry voice but without looking at anyone.

"Shifa am I your maid without any pay?" Mummy asked and I looked up before I could reply papa showed his hand to mummy and looked at me.

"Then what you will do if not Marriage? Will you stay in this home and eat two time meal without doing anything?" Papa asked angrily

"I'll complete my studies, find out a good job, then make my own house and shift from here. I don't want to ask money from anyone for my expenses. I want to be self dependent." I replied looking into Papa's eyes and mummy pressed my arm indicating me to not to say anything.

"Shifa go to your room, I'll give you breakfast in your...." Mummy was saying something when papa shouted on her loudly

"Maryam I have told you many times, don't interrupt me when I talk to someone" Mummy was shocked on that roar, she got tears in her eyes, and I also gulped.

"Shifa I'm telling you very clearly if there is any boy behind your refusal of marriage then forget that you...." I didn't let papa complete.

"Papa I'm also telling you clearly that I'm not interested in any boy, even I hate boys and I..." I was saying slowly my words were cutted off by Bilal

"Aapi I'm also a boy, do you hate me?"

"Shut up Bilal, I'm serious so stop your nonsense for a while" scolding him I again turned to Papa.

"I want to join college, I don't think that I would crack NEET this year too, so it's better not to waste one more year, I wanna do B.Sc." I state and papa keep gazing at me. He didn't said anything for ten minutes and I thought he was going to impose his decision on me to marry Kashif. But he drew out his mobile from his pocket and started doing something, I was looking at him with confusion. After doing something in his mobile for more ten minutes finally he broke the silence

"Tomorrow is the last date of submitting Admission forms in DU (Delhi University) and you are remembering all these things right now." Papa busted on me while glaring me and I felt scared of his scolding. But very next moment he looked at Hamdan bhai and asked him about the requirements of documents and all, he informed everything and I was really confused that papa understood me so much easily, I was expecting a Mahabharata (massive war) in my home for that, but my luck worked for the first time.

Papa took a day off from his office and Hamdan bhai also took leave from his college, they both helped me in filling the forms and collecting my documents..

I applied in around 20 colleges but I was selected in only 6 but luckily I was selected in one of the college in which my Affo was already studying, so I decided to took admission in that college.

Papa and mummy once discussed about my and Kashif's alliance, they discussed that Kashif and me both are of same age, though he looks elder than me by his muscular frame, but still mummy said that he must not be suitable for me and Papa didn't refused her decision. Luckily they decided to refuse for that proposal that gave me immense relief and satisfaction.

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What do you think I forgot about Faraz?!

Umm... It's a difficult question...

If I would say that 'I totally forgot Faraz' then it would be a white lie at the same time if I say that 'I still like him' then it would be a lie too..

I'm still confused about my feelings... Last night I was awake whole night just thinking about the time when I was only dreaming about Faraz nothing else. Such a stupid teenager I was... Even in worst situations I never did so much dua (prayers) that much I did for Faraz, but my all prayers were unanswered and now I'm sure that I can get better than Faraz, and In'sha Allah will get better than him... so I don't have any regrets for that.

You all must be thinking that my love wasn't pure that's why I forget him so easily but Let me tell you one secret...

Faraz wasn't my love ever....

I liked him... Liked him from the deepest part of my heart, but I never loved him... One need to spend some time with other to fall in love. Even till now we both don't know each other properly! So how it would be love?

In these three years I understand this much.... I never loved Faraz but he was my hope...

I always faced many problems in my life, and the biggest problem was.... my father wasn't in my support. I was frustrated and wanted to get rid of all the problems, at that time Faraz entered in my life in the form of a hope.

Actually he didn't entered into my life but I can say that he crossed by the path which touched the lane of my heart..

Whenever I faced any problem I just wished that may Faraz come soon to take me with him so that I could live an easy life. Actually I knew that every daughter-in-law of his family lives an easy life so I was dreaming for an easy life. And I started making a dreamland for myself in which I would live happily after going away from Papa's home. That's why Faraz became a hope for me. Not my love

I never think about Faraz as a husband, to be honest now I realise that I was naive or maybe innocent at that time... I didn't know the exact meaning of husband wife relationship... I was just thinking that after getting married with Faraz I'll get freedom to do what I wanted to do...

And I was completely broke down after his marriage because dil tutne se zyada ummeed tutne par dard hota hai... (Broken heart is less painful than broken hopes)

At that time I thought that I would be caged in the same situations for my whole life, I was so much depressed but suddenly that night I felt like I got a new life in myself. And I decided to take stand for myself.

Life isn't a fairy tale in which a caged, innocent, and helpless princess is rescued by a Prince who come inside the castle after fighting with monsters and villians. I was a caged princess and my dream prince hadn't come to take me with him, but I took stand for myself. I decided not to wait for that prince for rest of my life, while crying all the time.

Now many of you must be thinking that if I just wanted a good life by doing marriage then why not Kashif... So...

It's true that I never love Faraz but we at least wanted to marry each other... It would be an awkward situation for me.. And secondly I don't like Kashif... Its not like that isn't good looking or anything else... But he is big wierdo... I mean who eat kheer in the same plate in which he ate biryani!! Yes... He really did it... Once we were in Rani phuppo's home, everyone was busy in lunch, I placed the dish of kheer on table and that great boy started serving himself kheer in the same plate and I couldn't stop myself to say..

"Eeeehh... Biryani ki plate main kheer kon khata hai?"

(who eats kheer in biryani's plate?!)

"Main khata hu.. Tum bhi try kar ke dekho" passing his plate towards me he said as if that was doing the biggest, greatest task of this world

(Me !! You also try this)

"Thanks a lot, but ye namkeen kheer aapko hi mubarak ho" I said with an unpleasant expressions on my face and he smiled like a winner...

Mr. Weirdo...

Hmm.. So come back to topic, I was talking about Faraz...

It's been three years of his marriage... He is happy with Aamna, and I am happy that I didn't become the reason of someone's trouble. Aamna is really a sweet spoken girl, any man can easily fall for her ignoring her ugly face. Ifra aapi is still my friend and we all still meet in family gathering. Now Aamna is also my friend. But let me tell you one thing...

Since Aamna is three years elder than me I can't call her by her name so Ifra Aapi suggested me to call her....

"Bhabhi"

And I call her bhabhi... For the first time I felt odd to call her like that but now I'm use to of it. She is a kind hearted girl, when she speak it seems like her words are coated with honey.

Aamna was M.Com 1st year student at the time of marriage and she says that her husband is the best husband of this world that he helped her so much in her studies. Once I was discussing about my exams with Aamna then she told me that Faraz use to stay awake with her whole night before her exam, and he use to drop her college before going on his work. I smile on that but I thought come to my heart and brain...

'Will I get someone like Faraz, who will be so much caring and supporting?' I am scared of mummy's life. I don't want to live a life like her, I don't want to get a husband like my biological father.

I'm still not interested in any boy just like before Faraz's entry I'm my life. Neither before Faraz nor After Faraz till now I haven't think about any boy. Many boys proposed me, Bani kabeer Khan is one of them.. He is the most handsome boy of my class. To be honest I admire his looks but only Admire nothing more or less. I don't want to get indulge in all these types of affairs. And also... after one heart break I took a pledge that I won't love anyone except the one with whom I'll get married, what's the benefits of hurting the heart again and again...

You must be thinking that do I still watch Faraz's DPs or not...

So the answer is.. I don't have his number.....

Actually I deleted Faraz's number from my mobile when I came back from his reception, not only number but I had deleted his all the photos which I use to save from his DPs. Then he was someone else's husband, and I didn't had any right to even think about him. But to be honest I still have some of the quotes with me in my mobile which he uploaded as his DPs, they were very nice quotes so I didn't delete them.

I cried many times thinking about Faraz sometimes I cried for whole night, but time is the biggest healer of every wound... Now I don't have any feelings for him in my heart but I still want that the one with whom I will get married should contain one quality of Faraz...

His honesty towards his wife....

After his marriage he didn't even glanced at me, and I'm very happy for that, Allah saved me from being the reason of someone's problem or disturbance in married life. One or two months ago we all were in a get together held by Musa uncle, Faraz and Aamna were also present there. Somehow the sitting arrangements were not proper in that function. chairs were less than the crowd. That time I was little bit ill, I had pain in my back and legs, so that was difficult for me to stay stand like all the other youngsters who were enjoying their drinks and gossips, so one of Our relative aunty said me to sit on the empty chair... Which was just in front of Faraz, I refused but then she said so lovingly and I couldn't tell her the reason so I sat down there, for first five minutes he didn't noticed me sitting there as he was busy in PUBG but when he lifted his gaze he was looking surprised to witness me. He again bowed his head in mobile after a few moment but then Aamna came there.

"So... Doctor sahab is baar kitno ko mara?" she asked with a smile and Faraz sighed.

(How many have you killed Mr. Doctor?)

"Tum paas nahi thi na to luck ne kaam nahi kra, main khud hi Mar gya!" He replied while rolling his eyes and placed his mobile back in his pocket.

(You weren't with me so my luck haven't worked... I died)

They were busy in their talkings Aamna was talking to me in between but I was nothing for him I didn't feel bad.. Its my destiny he isn't in my destiny.

After almost an hour or more when we were coming back I along with Bilal went to Nida Aunty and Aazam uncle to did salam at that time Faraz was sitting there beside Ifra aapi. Aazam uncle patted my head just like a father... And asked me about my studies and I said that it's going well at that time Faraz talk to me... In front of everyone.

"You wanted to do MBBS then how you end up with B.Sc.?" He asked and I wanted to say 'due to you I didn't pay attention to my studies' but instead of saying so I smiled sadly looking at Ifra aapi.

"I wasted my one year in NEET but didn't get selected so I didn't waste my more year, and took admission in graduation" I informed sadly and everyone nodded with a sad smile, before that no one asked me that why I didn't take admission in MBBS, but Faraz did

"What will you go after graduation?" He asked and I smiled.

"I wanna do PhD in life sciences" I said and he smiled brightly.

"Wow.. Good to know this.. Allah ne tumhare liye kuch achha hi rakha hoga jo tumhe us cheez main kaamyabi nahi mili or tum is field main aayi.. Kabhi kabhi kuchh cheezo ko kismat ka feesla samajh kar maan lena chahiye.. Jo mila nahi uske liye dukh mat karo.. Confident raho Tum usse zyada deserve karti ho."

(Maybe Allah have planed something better for you that's why you didn't got success in your desired field and come to this field. Sometimes we have to accept destiny's choice, don't regret for what you didn't get.. Be confident you deserve better than what you wanted.)

Faraz said and I smiled with a nod... Was that difficult to understand what did he wanted to say? Indeed he wasn't only talking about my studies but my life too..

"By doing PhD you will become Doctor in that way" Ifra aapi said And I nodded with a smile.

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I never thought about any boy in my life except Faraz.. And now I'm also not interested in him. I think for long time and now I understand why I started thinking about him...And the reason was 'Musa uncle..'

Yes, Musa uncle...

I was controlling my heart to think about Faraz as I have controlled myself to think about anyone else but then one day Musa uncle said that Faraz's parents were interested in my and his alliance and I gave up in front of my teenager heart as I saw chances of success...

But past was past.... You must be thinking what's are my future plans?

RIGHT?

So my future plans are very clear... I want to focus on my studies and career nothing else.... Why we all believe thatQ this is the most important for a girl to get married! I'm not saying that I'll not do Marriage, I know one say my parents will forced me to get married when they will found a suitable match for me. But it doesn't mean that I only have a single target in my life to get married!! I also do dua for my future that I will get a good husband in every aspect but along with that I also do dua that I get success in my life.

Once one of my senior boy Rubaan proposed me, at that time I was in graduation 1st year. I didn't reply him for many days.. To be honest I wasn't getting any reason to refuse him... He was doing some kind of research in which he was getting great success and his bright future was clearly visible to everyone. I knew that if he send his proposal to my home then no one will refuse for him. I knew him from school days, even mummy papa also knows him well and he had a good image in our family's eyes... Papa knows Rubaan and his family very well...

After almost ten days I was thinking to talk to Rubaan that I'll do Marriage according to my parents choice, and I'll do Marriage with one whose proposal my parents would choose for me, but then I thought to talk to him after my exam.. That day was my first exam in college. That was my English exam, before few minutes of exam Bani kabeer Khan and Neha (my classmates) came to me to discuss some topics, we were giving the college exams for first time so we didn't had idea about the way to attempt questions, we all were nervous, we were discussing about the answers and at the same time my mobile beeped I looked at that.. That was Rubaan's message. That message made me cry....

I looked here there and Rubaan was standing at some distance from me... He was watching me, neha and kabeer.

Wanna know what was that message?!

"Kabeer ke khwab mat dekho.. Woh heera hai.. Tum deserve nahi karti.. Tumhe woh to kya us jesa bhi koi nhi milne wala, wapas zameen par aa jao.. Woh heera hai heera"

(Don't dream about Kabeer... He is a gem.. You don't deserve him. You aren't going to get him, not even anyone similar to him... Don't fly too high, come back to reality... Kabeer is a gem truly a gem)

That was Rubaan's text. In whole one year I was talking to Kabeer maybe second or third time I didn't had any feelings for him but Rubaan's text had hurt my self respect. I never thought to get close to any boy but his one sentence literally gave me tears. At that time I felt angry I wanted to kill that Rubaan but that was my exam so I didn't reply anything. But I was disturbed, it was difficult for me to write in exam. After exam I decided to reply him

"Mind your own business... I don't want a gem, but I wants to be a gem so that the one who will get me in his life, feels proud on his own destiny"

I texted him and felt satisfied, some cheap boys think that girls only think to get a nice guy to live a happy life but at that time I decided that I have to become successful in my life so that I can make that Rubaan understand that girls aren't gold diggers.

I decided that I don't need any man in my life to be happy and to being supported by him... I want to be an example of strong girl; not a girl who just dream to be a wife... I also, wants to being loved by my future husband but I don't want that love to cage me but give me wings to fly even more high. Right now I'm single and I'm happy and satisfied in my life. I don't want a life partner who can't respect me. Being unmarried is better opinion than living a married life like my mother....

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The end...

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Most of you must be thinking that my story is ending here without any 'Hero'...

So the answer is... I'm the heroine of my story... Why everytime a 'Male' have to take all the credits of story?! This time The heroine isn't on back seat..

And one more thing this isn't The End of my life... This is the end of just a single chapter of my life. One chapter of my teenage ended like this but some more chapters are waiting for me..

Let's see what the future is holding for me!

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Assalamualaikum/ Hello...

How are you all?

I hope you all like the end..

Actually I'm satisfied with it, I didn't want to make this a love story.. I started this as a social issues story and I wanted to end this with a message..

Marriage is not a solution of problems of life. In reality Marriage is not a fantasy at all but it is other name of responsibilities. This is specifically for those teenager girls (like Shifa) who are living in a dream land and wattpad land regarding the married life.

I just hope that you don't feel disappointed with the end..

I am a strong girl (alhamdulillah)

I'm not dependent on my father's money and this thing gives me confidence to take many decisions of my life by myself.

When I have to do shopping I never ask to my mummy or papa for money but just open any shopping website and pay with my own debit card for what I want, these small things make a girl self dependent and increase her self respect.

Helpless girls/women like Maryam do exist in society but now a days their numbers are lesser than stronger ones. Personally the last part of shifa's POV is my opinion.. I don't wanna be a house wife who stay within the limits of kitchen, I wanna do my online business and I also wanna open my own food Corner, and In'sha Allah I'll do that.

I am saying all these things just to justify the ending of this book. I just wanna say that a girl's life is not totally dependent on her husband... Marriage is a very big ans important face of life but, a girl has her own identity and Shifa wants to gain that identity before her marriage and want to maintain that identity even after her marriage...

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After this story I am going to continue 'Sun without Sunshine'

@Nazeefah345 now happy??

I make you wait for that 🙈🙈🙈

I'm so sorry.

🙏 🙏

Dear readers..

Now come to Sun without Sunshine that is a story or Tuba and Rafey...

And a revenge 😏😏😏 with a twist of past and present 😏.

Read that book and give your precious votes and comments too..

Right now I'm feeling so much happy that I have completed my 5th and longest book.

Thank you so much everyone for reading this book and showing your love...

I'll never forget this book because of the comments I got...

Maryam: Suniye...

Annu bhai (rude as always): Hmm...

Maryam (huffing angrily): puri book khatam ho gai ab to apni rudeness chhod dijiye.

Annu bhai (without any expressions 😑): puri book khatam hone ke baad apni rudeness chhodi to ye to readers ke sath cheating hogi, or main cheating nahi karta.

Maryam:🤦🏻‍♀️😤

Readers: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣

Naaz Jamal:🙈🙈🙈🙈

_Naaz Jamal

Ek sheer phir se aa gya.. To hum bhi bina sunaye Jane walo main se nahi hain 😅😅😅

To asz kiya hai...

Dil me ek dard sa uthta hai jab jab aap Saamne aate hain,

Aap to Hume bhul chuke ab hum aapko bhulana chahte hain.

Dil main aapko jagah kyu di is baat par puchhtate hain..

Ab koi haq to nhi hai aapko yaad karne ka hamare pass magar....

Aaj bhi aakh band karte hi aap nazro ke samne kyu chale aate hain?

_Naaz Jamal

4.7.2020