MARYAM'S POV :

(Flashback)

I was feeling myself as a nanny of a five year old boy. I was trying to feed him breakfast and he was showing his stubbornness.

"Hamdan I have made the same sandwich which liked yesterday". I said while lifting the sandwich to his mouth.

"Dulhan, mere liye ek cup adrak wali chaye bana do" my mother-in-law said and I nodded while placing back the sandwich in plate.

(Dulhan make a cup ginger tea for me)

{Dulhan means bride, but in some families this word is use for daughter-in-law}

"Amma, your tea" I handed over the tea and again started the duty to feed Hamdan.

"He is not eating, what should I do?" I asked to his father and my mother-in-law.

"Dulhan mujhe ye nhi khana" Hamdan said in stubborn tone.

(Dulhan I don't want to eat this)

Coping his dadi (grandmother) he was also calling Dulhan.

"Beta she is mummy" Amma I mean my mother-in-law corrected him.

"Then what my son wants to eat?" His father asked and I prepared my mind to make something else

"I... I want to eat.. Bread roll and pastry" He demanded and I glanced at the clock that was showing 7:06 am.

"Bread rolls!! Now?" I mumbled looking at Amma.

"Hamdan I'll make that when to come back from school, for now eat this" I said and the stubborn boy shook his head

"Dulhan I'll only eat bread rolls"

I was fade up of all those things, that was only ten days of marriage, and I was working like a maid of that house.

"Maryam" that was the first time when he use my name to call me, before that he just ordered everything without using my name. But after listening my name from his tongue I felt different in my heart. That was sounding odd for me.

"J.. Ji'' (y.. Yes)

"Make what he is saying" his rough voice ordered me without paying attention to me.

"Its only ten minutes to send him to for bus stand, its impossible to make bread rolls in ten minutes" I explained.

"But Saba make that for him in just five minutes! Why you can't make that in ten minutes?" I was Amazed on what he said, I was standing like a 

dumbfounded.

"Anwar saba use to freeze all those things for Hamdan, that's why she took only five minutes" Amma said and I realised that then I also had to do all those deeds.

"Hamdan come here, Papa's boy will eat from papa's hand., you are my good boy" Hamdan was lifted by his father and he sat Hamdan on his thighs.

"Papa when will mummy come? Everyone's mummy come back, but my mummy is not coming"

"Sabaa... Why I sended you that day" He mumbled while closing his eyes and embraceing Hamdan. I was witnessing the scene silently. He was sitting with close eyes, resting his chin on Hamdan's head. His both hands were gripping Hamdan protectively close to his chest.

"Anwar, its not your fault, it was Allah's will. Stop blaming yourself" Amma said to him and I was clueless about the whole matter

"Dulhan give milk to Hamdan and make him wear shoes, he is getting late, he will miss his school bus" Amma ordered me and I nodded while extending my hands towards Hamdan to lift him from his father's lap.

"Come here Hamdan" I said in hushed tone and his father open his eyes, which made me scared, it was seems someone put red color on the place of white part of his eyes.

"I'll make my son eat with my hands." He kissed Hamdan's head and I got tears in my eyes.

I didn't know how my shifa was managing without me, for ten days. She usually don't feed with feeding bottle. I fluttered my eyes to gulp the unshedded tears which were in my eyes.

" What happened to you?" He asked with furrowed brows when he glanced at me and I suddenly shook my head.

I felt scared with him,

His heavy, manly voice which beat my heart with fear no matter whatever he said.

Overbearing face which always carry creases on his forehead.

His high and mighty nature, which was another reasin to give goosebumps on my body with his every order and glare.

His punctuality and rules, Which were like Iron rules those couldn't be manipulated.

Moreove his age, he was more than a decade elder than me, I wasn't comfortable with him

All those things all together were enough to made me scared of him.

"Maryam..." I listened a voice but was so much lost in my own world that didn't pay attention

"MARYAM" this time there was different power in that voice which pinched my heart with fear, and I jumped on my place.

"J.. Ji"

(Ye.. Yeah)

"Where is his water bottle?" He asked and I realised that I forgot that.

"I.. I'm.. Bringing that" I said and scoot towards the kitchen.

"Dulhan... Dulhan... Give me biscuits too" Hamdan yelled from dining area and I grabbed the packet of biscuits from 2nd shelf.

"Take this" I passed the biscuits to Hamdan and water bottle to his father but my whole body got shives when his hand touched with mine by mistake, I suddenly pulled my hand back and he looked at me suddenly but got busy in packing Hamdan's bags.

"From today you will go to pick Hamdan from bus stand, reach there at sharp 2:10 pm not a single minute late" I nodded on his order.

"Why papa? Why you will not come to pick me? Why you are saying to Dulhan to pick me?" Hamdan complaint

"Not Dulhan, call her mummy" Amma said to Hamdan and in no time Hamdan was picked up in the left arm, by his father. When I went to see off him to the gate he handed over me some small amount and said to buy some snacks and pastries for Hamdan while returning to home after picking up. I just nodded and started working as usually what I was doing since ten days.

After finishing all the household works I decided to call to my home at the same time.....

"Dulhan..." I sighed and placed the receiver of phone back.

"Ji amma, coming"

"Dulhan make khichdi for me, I'll not eat what you have cook for lunch." I nodded and went back to my half home..

Half home means kitchen for me, most of the time I use to stay in kitchen as if that was my home... So I named that my half home.

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I was tired, after dinner completing all the household activities I lay down on bed. The work was not making me tired but Hamdan's stubbornness. He was very stubborn child who always wanted to fulfil his demands... But his only demand was unable to be fulfilled. And the same demand making him more stubborn.

I was missing my baby, she was with me which was making more weak, I was laying with closed eyes but my tears were flowing

"Dulhan why are you crying?" I listened a small voice and opened my eyes.

"I'm not crying!" I replied to Hamdan, I didn't realised when he came to bed, thankfully his father wasn't with him.

"Dulhan you know Dadi (grandma) was saying that my mummy will come when I'll become big." He said innocently and I nodded and he lay down beside me happily. I smiled at him sadly and kissed his cheek

"But Dulhan how and when will I become big?" He asked me and I was clueless about the answer.

"Let me tell you one Secret! If you want to become big then you have to eat banana and apple too. And then you have to sleep early" He nodded innocently and I felt guilty to give a false hope to that innocent boy.

"Dulhan I'll do everything, I'll eat banana, apple and peas too... I'll eat everything then mummy will come back. Right?" I nodded helplessly.

"Now sleep." I said politely

"I'm not feeling sleepy, I'll sleep when papa will come." Hamdan stated, and before I could say in reply "I only sleep when mummy or papa do like this" He added and show me how his parents caressed his head slowly. I was noticing his father how he makes Hamdan asleep in the same way.

"Today I'll do like this" I repeated his words with a smile and started running my fingers in his hair.

"Dulhan not like this, but like this" he stopped me and taught me to caressed his head with my palms instead of running fingers in his hair; in some time he was slept. His head was placed on my right arm and he was hugging me tightly when I witnessed him hugging me I wrapped my other arm around him and soon I entered in the land of sleep, but shifa's face was flashing in my head and eyes. I opened my eyes and his side of bed was empty then my gaze travelled to my arm and found Hamdan sleeping in the same situation and my heart clenched with pain. My own child wasn't with me but I was bound to love someone's else child like a mother. I had sympathy towards Hamdan but it doesn't means that I can give my complete motherly love to Hamdan instead of Shifa... Unwantedly my eyes filled with tears and a sob left from my mouth.

"Why are you crying now?" I listened the same manly voice from my behind and I got startlet. Turning my head to being I found him sitting in his study table. He was holding a file in his hands. I turned to my old position and remove my arms from Hamdan to wiped my tears and suddenly sat down in the bed.

"Is anything wrong?" I listened his voice and he came to his side of bed, I shook my head in reply before stepping out from the bed to went to the bathroom, when I stepped out her was sleeping hugging his son with one arm and other arm under Hamdan's head.

I sat down down on my side hugging my knees resting my head to headboard

"Will you tell the reason if your midnight cryings? I'm noticing you since many days." I jumped on my place on that voice

"I.. I'm sorry, I'll not try now" I said in stammering while wiping my tears and lay down silently crying to control my tears, but I was shocked that he wasn't sleeping

"But what's the matter?" He asked with frustration and furrowed brows.

"I.. I'm.. Missing Shifa" I said and his creases on his forehead become densed

"Who? Who Shifa?" He asked without paying attention towards me as he was busy in caressing Hamdan's cheek

"Shifa.. My daughter" I stated

"Are you crying for your daughter?" He asked and I nodded

"Bring her here tomorrow, why are you crying for her?" He said slowly said and I felt as happy as a dying person feels if he/she got the life again.

"Really?" I asked with amazement and he nodded.. "I already said before the marriage that you can take your daughter here with you" saying that he closed his eyes and I smiled happily.

"Thank you" I said in slow voice and he opened his eyes.

"So jao" He ordered in his rude voice and I nodded with a smile and lay down happily.

(sleep)

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"Ammi... Ammiiiii... Maryam aapi has come" Maham yelled when she open the door and I kissed her cheek before scotting inside.

"Where is my Shifa?" I didn't bother to greet Ammi and asked impatiently ;Ammi pointed towards Razi's room. Stepping in the room I found Razi sleeping on bed and Shifa was sleeping on his chest, I feeding bottle was laying on his left side and many toys were spreaded all over the bed. Razi was holding a rattle in his left hand maybe he fell asleep while trying to make Shifa sleep. Going towards both I slowly picked my princess from her previous position but her slumber got distracted and she started crying.

"Shifaaaa... Mama's doll.. My.." Razi woke up with a jolt while mumbling that and shaking the rattle but stopped in between when witnessed me.

I kissed Shifa's cheek and embraced her proactively in my arms, I was feeling that I got my heartbeat back after the weight of ten days.

"My babu didn't miss her mumma?" I asked to her before pecking her small chin and she chuckled while jumping in my arms, Maham and Ammi also come to his room and everyone smiled looking at us.

"Very nice... Single ma ke aate hi double ma ko bhul gayi, naughty brat" Razi got up with a jolt and said to Shifa after kissing her cheek

{ma:mother

Mama :paternal uncle}

(you forget your double ma after watching your single Ma)

"Double ma.. What do you mean?" I asked in confusion

"ohho Aapi, double ma means ma-ma.. Means Razi mama" I laughed on Maham's explanation

"Ammi help me in packing Shifa's stuff and get her ready I have to go back in 20 minutes" I said to Ammi and she nodded before asking the reason for going so soon and I informed that I had to pick Hamdan from bus stand. For a moment Ammi was numb then she glared me and her glare tell me the reason...

She was Highley disappointed with me, because due to my single wrong decision I was married again to a man who was very elder than me and I was doing all the works of his son like a nanny.

But I changed Shifa's clothes and picked the bag which was full of her clothes and toys.

"Aapi aap wapas kab aayengi?" Maaham asked when I was going out from my room. And I kissed her cheek but before I could say anything in return

(Aapi when will you come back?)

"Allah na kare jo is baar wapas aye" that was Ammi's voice which was showing her horrified state, I was shocked to hear that but didn't said anything.

(May god never let her come back again)

"I'll not come back this time. I'll do every work in that home but will not come back here" mumbling the same I stepped out with tear filled eyes and went to Hamdan's bus stand which was at the 15 minutes walking distance. I was carrying Shifa in one arm and the bag was hanging on my other shoulder.....

But the bus was already arrived, I was late to pick Hamdan

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To be continued.....

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_Naaz Jamal