Aaah... This feeling! Can't put it in words!

My idiot woman was resting her head on my chest and I just adored her presence in my arms. Now she was crying after confessing her love and I was feeling satisfied after telling her what was in my heart. I wish I could tell this earlier but I never found those words in which I could muffle my feelings and represent them in front of her, and this idiot woman didn't read my eyes which always take rounds of her. She needs the thread of words to make a garland of emotions. Well, I only know how to pluck the flowers of emotions but the thread of words had always tangled me badly.

She looked straight in my eyes, her face was looking more red than the flowers I brought for her. I wanted to kiss her right now, a kiss in which I could pour all my emotions, all my feelings and all my love but took a step back as she was already blushing enough to make my heart skip a beat, I couldn't torture her more with my love.

Picking up a red flower from the bouquet I slipped it in her bun and she giggled because of that tingling sensation on the scalp.

"One phool for another Fool." I whispered and she pushed me away.

[Phool- flower (in Hindi)

Fool- idiot (in English)]

"I hate you Deni I hate you. Aap bohot zyada... (You're so)" I didn't let her complete and walked out of the room while saying "Bure hain? (Bad)" I just love this expression on her face, even more than her blushing I like her smile.

Walking towards the hall I muttered, "Ahmaq Aurat." But before I could walk ahead a little boy who was running in the hall suddenly bumped into me.

(Idiot woman.)

Who is this boy in my home?

I asked myself and smiled while looking at my mother to ask the same question but I felt like my brain forgot everything, my heart stopped beating and my eyes forgot to blink.

A figure was sitting in front of me just beside my mother... Same eyes and same smile but not the same face, yet it wasn't difficult for me to recognise her even with closed eyes.

She wasn't that happy to go girl! She was not full of life anymore, her beauty which could attract any eye was lost in the haze of life. I didn't know what I felt at that time but my eyes dropped tears, my hands cupped her face, "Adeena... How are you? What happened to you?"

And when she told about her husband's death I was beyond shock. She didn't deserve pains! She only deserves happiness and joy, I never forget to add her in my supplication but her condition was yelling loudly that my prayers were being unanswered; Unfortunately.

I didn't have words to introduce her to my family, this task was done by her only but when she introduced me as her friend I felt angry. "Friends?" I couldn't stop myself to ask.

Is this called friends? A friend is the first person to be come in mine in the time of need, Only her face was enough to tell that she was ill and living a difficult life but she never asked for help... is this called friends? Friend is a far away thing she didn't consider me a well wisher with whom she could share her pain. I've seen a strong yet broken Adeena in college time too but today I saw another Adeena who was a strong mother but weak lady.

"Adeena... Dinner hamare sath kar ke jana." Telling her I moved towards the terrace. That was the only thing I could offer her, not as a friend but as a host, After all she was standing in my home as a guest.

(Stay here for some more time Adeena, go after having dinner.)

Standing on the terrace I was watching the farthest corner of the sky, it was turning red and orange as the sun was about to bid goodbye after leaving countless effects on the world, just like Adeena... Who left me after leaving countless effects on me and my world. A few years ago, once I saw her walking on the road with her husband, they were laughing and she was almost hugging his arm, she didn't notice me as she was lost in that man, I felt pain after seeing her happy with someone else, I wanted to ask her how could she even smile when I was dying without her but David stopped me to do anything silly, that day after seeing love in her eyes for someone else I broke down in even smaller bits... But today I was feeling guilty... I didn't want to cast an evil-eye on her happy life... her happiness matters to me... I felt pity when she told me about her husband's death.

It must be difficult for her to tolerate this pain! I know how it feels when a loved one goes away from us. I know this pain and I never wished for her to savor this pain.

"Daniyal." A voice stopped me from thinking about anything else and I turned back. She was standing in front of me. "Puchhne ka mooqa bhi nhi mila tum kese ho? Aur haa... Shadi mubarak ho."

(I didn't even get a chance to ask you how you are? And... Congratulations for getting married.)

Her words suddenly pulled me back to the reality! My marriage! Shifa! Oh Man... What was she thinking right now? What was the reason behind her sudden confession of love? Adeena? But the question is...

"What are you doing here Adeena? Ammi told me on the phone that Shifa's cousin is here to meet her but you already know this is my home... You can't be here to meet such a cousin who is no less than a stranger to you and you don't like to meet strangers!" I was clear as a glass and the very next moment her eyes filled with tears.

"Yeah, I'm not here to meet your wife, I don't even know her, I'm here to meet you Daniyal."

To meet me? Strange! She never did anything without a reason and if she's doing something I'm sure she had a reason. But when I stayed silent, I gave her time to settle down in her emotions before saying anything else.

"I need your help, when I was left with no other option I decided to take your help otherwise I would never come to you." She was not crying anymore but she was about to restart at any moment. I just nod my head and she took a deep breath while walking closer to me and stood just a step away.

"My... Actually my... I don't know how to tell you." She muttered and looked away. I didn't know what to do or say, she was behaving weird and soon I got to know the reason.

"I've been living in a rented house... I never liked the landlord, he lives on the upper floor of the building and... Yesterday he knocked the door at midnight..." She stopped for a while and broke eye contact, my heart skipped a beat with the first thought that came to my mind but I didn't want to conclude anything by myself.

"And what?"

"Daniyal I don't want to go back to that home... I'm feeling scared." She cried.

"Adeena, don't hide anything, just tell me clearly, has he done something wrong with you?" I asked and she looked away, "Fortunately no, but he tried to." Her muttering voice was enough to broke my heart as well as boil my blood.

"And you're coming here instead of going to the police?" I almost shouted at her. "Daniyal, try to understand, I live alone with my little son, I can't afford animosity between us. He's very powerful." She was helplessly crying.

"How can I help you?"

"I don't know..." She muttered and I furrowed. "Why don't you live with your parents?" She was silent for a while and told me that her parents are no more and she had an argument with her brother so now there was no room left for her to go back to that home. I felt sad for her. "Adeena you have been tolerating so much for the last two years!"

"Not for the last two years Daniyal but from the time you left me alone. When you weren't with me I used to cry the whole night, I had been waiting for you to come back from the US, you promised me before going that you'll talk to your parents about our marriage after coming back, but before you could return... everything was already finished! And... Shahid also died two years ago." I could feel her pain, she was unable to deal with hardships of life without a partner and I know this feeling now, it's really not easy to live without a partner.

"Why didn't you get married again? Why are you wasting your life?" I questioned and Adeena sobbed. "Kon karega mujhse shadi? Tum karoge?"

(Who will marry me? Will you?)

I was stunned for a moment, what and how could she think about it?

"Adeena meri shadi ho chuki hai."

(Adeena, I'm already married)

"Lekin phir bhi tum mujhse shadi kar sakte ho Daniyal, aur ye baat tum bhi jaante ho..." I was seeing her without blinking. I was running out of words. What was she saying? Before I could answer her question I asked my heart.

(But the fact is, you can marry me too. And you already know this!)

What do you want Daniyal? This question was simple but there was no answer in me. For a moment I remembered all my prayers that I made to get Adeena. I wanted her to recognise my love and come to me with this proposal but not in this situation and the next moment I closed my eyes, there was nothing but darkness. And slowly slowly that darkness started taking shape which soon converted into a face. A beautiful face. She was my wife.

My mind recalled each and every moment I have spent with my Ahmaq Aurat (idiot woman). There was a treasure of memories which includes everything from laughing, crying, breaking down, consoling, teasing, arguing, bringing around each other to and to sharing some very intimate moments.

I shifted my eyes from my wrist watch, the same wrist watch which was given by Shifa on my birthday, to Adeena. I found no space to fit her in the picture of my life.

Can I replace Shifa with Adeena? I asked myself. And my heartbeat became uneven. How is it possible now? Is it so easy to replace her after spending so many intimate moments with her?

"Daniyal..." I came out of my trance when Adeena placed her hand on my arm and I took a step back while shaking my head.

"I can't replace Shifa! No one can take her place in my life, not even you, Adeena." I spoke with great deliberation, it was not an emotional or quick decision and I saw her face losing its color.

"I... I don't want to come in between you two. I just need help... I'm sorry maybe I'm selfish... But..." She tried hard to gulp her tears and my heart clenched with pain. No matter what, I can't see her in tears.

"Stop crying, I'll do something but please stop crying. What help?"

"I'm afraid of going back to that home, Daniyal. Can I..." She left her sentence in between and think for a moment, "let it me... I'm going."

"Where will you go?"

"It's a big world, I'm sure I'll also get shelter. I've already asked a few brokers for a new home but it's taking some time, till then... Let's see."

Where would she go?

Who will help her?

How will she live in that home in which she's not safe? 

"Okay listen to me." I said when she was about to walk towards the stairs, I knew what she wanted. "You can stay with us until you get new home." I told her what she wanted to listen to but didn't ask directly.

"No, leave this idea. After knowing our relationship Shifa will be angry with you. I was just mad to knock on your door."

"There is no relationship between us, and if it comes to past, Shifa already know everything." I never thought even in my dreams that I could say these words... But I did! How? I don't know!

Leaving her on the terrace I walked towards the stairs but my wrist was caught by her hand. "Daniyal." She was looking scared one more time. "I need one more favour."

"Sure." Pulling my wrist from her hand I nodded and she realised that we had already crossed those limits where we could hold each other's hands. "Please don't tell anyone about whatever happened with me... Please." She was looking ashamed for something which wasn't her fault and I felt pity on her and all the other women too...

Why are girls and women ashamed even after being victims? And why do such men roam freely in the society without any hesitation?

"You don't have to be ashamed of this incident, Adeena! It's not your fault? You should even take this matter to the police! I'm at your back."

"No Daniyal please. Please I already told you that I can't afford animosity, moreover I don't want my character assassination. After becoming a widow I understand that an alone woman can't do anything in this society! Numerous fingers are always ready to point them out and judge their character."

She kept telling her pains and I kept watching her tearfilled eyes. I never wanted tears in her eyes. She was one of the best women in my life, an ideal woman! My heart clenched after seeing her in pain. "Promise me Daniyal, you won't tell anyone about this." She mumbled between crying and I nodded "I promise. I won't!"

<><><><>

"Uska is ghar mein rehne ka kya matlab hai Daniyal? Aap dono ke beech jo bhi tha wo tha, ab kuch nhi hona chahiye." Ammi was glaring at me. Badi Amma was ready to kill me with her eyes and Baba was not even glancing at me. How do they know that there was something in between us?  

(Why she's staying here, Daniyal? If there was something in between you two it was past, it shouldn't be continued?)

"Shifa ne kuch bataya hai aapko? Kaha hai wo?" When I didn't find her with other members of the family I asked and this time Badi Amma furrowed while covering her head properly with the dupatta.

(Has Shifa told you something? Where is she?)

"Bohot rulaya hai tumne use, bechari roote roote soo gyi." Badi Amma was rude to me. I didn't want Shifa cry!

(You made her cry a lot, she slept while crying.)

"Aap bataiye maajra kya hai." Baba asked me in an angry way and I was silent for a while. Today I experienced another level of anger in the eyes of my family but I couldn't tell them about my unsuccessful lovestory moreover Adeena's present situation.

(You tell me what's the matter?)

"Koi maajra nhi hai Baba, wo yaha bas kuch din ke liye hai, phir chali jayegi." And I walked to my bedroom where Shifa was sleeping. When I wanted to talk to her most she was sleeping and I didn't want to disturb her.

(There is nothing, Baba. She's here for a few days only.)

I didn't know for how long I was seeing her sleeping beside me... Maybe some three hours or even more.

How life plays with us, when we think everything is fine something wrong happens! I was tensed for Adeena, not for Shifa... I know this khatoon (woman) will understand Adeena's problem and help her, she has a heart of gold she can't unseen anyone's problem. That's why I love her!

There are many things that attract a man towards his wife, beauty is one of them but her outer beauty was the last thing to attract me, I've been falling for this Ahmaq Aurat (idiot woman) because of her inner beauty, her pious character and her innocent as well as soft heart that fears Allah and love Allah's creation.

<><>

I skipped the dinner, maybe everyone did. Shifa was still sleeping... Why she had been sleeping too much for the last few weeks?

"Make a mug of tea for me." Walking towards the kitchen I ordered the maid who was about to switch off the lights of kitchen before leaving. I sighed and gestured to her to leave as she was seeing the packet of food present in her hand, her children must be waiting for food, today she was already late.

I pour a mug full of water in the pan, add sugar, tea leaves and milk before placing it on the burner. And a smile crawled to my lips when I listened the jingling sound of bangles. Who wears bangles in this home other than one? She had been wearing black bangles for last few days and I know why she wasn't removing them, because I bought them for her. When the jingling sound entered in the kitchen I placed the mug in the shelf and picked two cups. "Chai piyogi?" I asked without bothering to turn and I got a reply.

(Wanna have tea?)

"Yeah please, I come here for tea only... I thought maybe maid is working in the kitchen." I suddenly looked back. It was Adeena not Shifa.

"Oh, you're still awake! Where is Zaryab?" I questioned.

"He's sleeping." She replied and I nodded while looking at the tea, "Daniyal I have to talk to you, If you don't have any problem."

"Sure, say." I hummed.

"Not like this... Can we sit somewhere?" I turned to see her then thought for a moment and nodded. "Wait for me in the hall, I'm coming."

"Tea." Placing the cups of tea on the centre table I took my seat next to her. "I'm feeling scared because of whatever happened yesterday. I'm unwillingly remembering that as soon as I'm closing my eyes to sleep." She did not make eye contact with me, she was ashamed of whatever wasn't her fault.

"Forget it Adeena. At least you're safe here." I whispered and she took very first sip of tea. "It's good." She smiled and I also took a sip.

Yuck... Couldn't be worse!

Placing down the cup I looked at her for something important. "Adeena, I've to talk to you. Something important."

"Yeah."

"I have talked to a broker and he knows about some flats which are available right now. You can move in within a few days." I told her and for the first time I was unable to read her facial expressions.

"Is there any issue?" I asked and she shook her head. "No. No problem."

"And if you don't like those flats then I know someone personally, their home will be the safest place possible for you, They give the two floor of their home for rent. He's a family man lives with his wife and parents... That will be the best option, but..."

"But what?" She asked.

"I will have to go to meet him once to know if the apartment is available or not." I shrugged and she smiled.

"Thank you so much. Whatever you're doing for me is more than enough. I'm already indebted in front of you."

"There are many more things to be done, don't be indebted."

"Like what?" She smiled.

"Tumhari shadi. Kab tak akele zindagi guzarogi?"

(Your marriage. For how long will you live alone?)

"Will you marry me?" Again the same question but she suddenly shook her head. "Don't do this Daniyal, now you're married, I know you loved me but..." before she could complete a voice echoed in the hall.

"Daniyal time dekha hai aap ne?" It was my Ammi who stood between me and Adeena.

(Daniyal have you seen time?)

"What's wrong Ammi? Why are you angry?"

"Aap mujhse puchh rhe hain ki kya hua hai? Aadhi Raat Hai, aapki biwi bedroom Mein aapka Intezar kar rahi Hogi Behtar hoga aap uske sath Waqt Guzare na ki...." throwing a deadly glare on Adeena, Ammi left her sentence incomplete.

(Are you asking me what's wrong? It's midnight your wife must be waiting for you in the bedroom you should spend your time with her instead of...)

"Ammi it's important..." I said in a meek voice, I never saw her this angry ever.

"I don't care if it's important or not, for me your marriage is more important than anything else, go to your room right now." Pointing towards the door of the bedroom Ammi almost yelled and Adeena's face turned pale.

"Yeah, Deni... You should go." Adeena muttered.

"Excuse me... His name is Daniyal. Not Deni. Only his wife calls him Deni. Don't you try to use this endearment for Daniyal."

"I... I'm sorry." Adeena apologized before standing up from her place and I closed my eyes for a while. I don't believe my ammi can be so rude to anyone, specially a person who's a guest. And if it comes to Adeena calling me Deni... That's not a big deal because in my teenage years my friends used to annoy me by using this name. I never liked it but later on when I started working as RJ I picked the same name to hide my original identity. Adeena had already gone to the guestroom and Ammi's deadly glare already told me to rush to my bedroom.

Thinking about everything I silently slipped in the bed and apart from everything, today I felt that I need to clear to Adeena that I'm no longer carrying a torch for her. Yeah I still have a soft corner for her, and I'll always keep it because my love for her was not a drama, I can't stop having some feelings for her, her pain still gives me sadness, I want her to be happy in my life. I can't close my eyes towards her.

Busy in my thoughts I noticed that Shifa was seeing me, she wasn't sleeping. Today her eyes were asking me a question which was difficult to understand, so I just closed my eyes. My brain was already running in every direction. There was a flood of memories from which I wanted to get rid moreover this new kind of feelings which was impossible to be described in words.

"Deni." She grabbed my hand and I hummed without opening my eyes. "Today you told me that you love me." She muttered and I opened my eyes. She was controlling her tears. "How much do you love me?"

"Ye kesa sawaal hai Shifa?" I kept watching her for the next few minutes, I did not have an answer. I also want to know myself that how much I love her.

(What kind of question is this, Shifa?)

"Sawal kese bhi ho aapke paas to mere har sawal ka jawab hota hai Deni." She whispered and I sighed. This girl thinks me something extra ordinary man, maybe with a super power of solving problems but no, I'm also a common man who feels stucked in the middle of problems. I'm also a stupid person who feels like an idiot when life use me as a puppet. I'm also a confused man who doesn't know where to go and how to get a destination while walking on a path that goes to nowhere.

(No matter what the question is, you always have an answer for my every question.)

"Aaj koi sawal na puchho"

(Don't ask me anything today)

"Aap unse shadi kar lenge?" After all she asked about her biggest fear and this time she couldn't control her tears.

(Will you get married to her?)

"Nhi..." Pulling her in my arms I closed my eyes, she cried on my chest but I felt satisfied that this woman is so close to me. No matter whether she cries or laughs, the thing is... She's with me, I never felt this scared that right now I was feeling. When Adeena left me I was broken and weak but now I felt scared of Allah knows what? For the first time I felt that not only Shifa looks at me for support but I was also in need of her to support me. I don't know when she has become my strength. After feeling a bit better I wanted sleep but Shifa wasn't ready to leave this conversation so easily.

"So why she's here in our home?"

I opened my eyes "She's just a guest." And again closed them.

"Deni I'm telling you her intentions are not good, she's planning something big." Shifting away from my arms she shared her doubts. Oh my Allah, what is she thinking?

"Shifa, you don't know her yet. She can hurt herself to save others from pain, she can't hold any bad intentions, even though she told herself that she doesn't want to come in between us."

"Don't trust her words Deni, She's a big liar. She told me that she come here after following the address present on the letter posted by abbu... And you already know where those letters were being sent!" Shifa sat down on the bed and I sighed helplessly.

Adeena already made a false story in front of Shifa but she told me the truth. She was here just to meet me, but now I was stucked between both of them. I couldn't say that Shifa was wrong, anyone could conclude this after knowing about Adeena's false story but I know the reality, however I couldn't reveal.

"Maybe some misunderstanding! Adeena doesn't lie. She never lie." I grabbed her hand softly.

"Whatever. You just send her away from this home. This is my and your home Deni. Please." She jerked my hand and behaved like a stubborn kid. I wasn't expecting such immaturity from her.

"Aapko kya ho gya hai Shifa? Aap to kisi bachhe ki tarha baat kar rhi ho jo apne khilone dusre bachho se chhupa kar rakhta hai."

(What's wrong with you Shifa? You're behaving like a possessive child who can't share her toy with anyone.)

"Khilona nhi wo mera shohor share karna chahti hai, jo main hone nhi dungi." She glared at me.

(Not a toy but she wants to share my husband, and I won't let her do so.)

What a rubbish? Am I a toy to be shared in between two people?

"Shifa how can you be so negative? Adeena's intentions are not wrong! Try to understand."

"I'm not negative but I'm not blind like you. If her intentions are not wrong then why didn't she just went away without meeting you? Why did she remind you about your past when you're already married? If her intentions are so pure then why was she explaining her past actions? Why was she telling you the story of her helplessness? And why this lady with pure intentions have proposed you to get married? Do you have any explanation?"

Well... I had every explanation! I couldn't declare Shifa completely wrong but for once she could be a little mature and try to talk to me politely, she was already aggravated. 

"Shifa she was just sharing her feelings with an old friend."

"No, not an old friend but ex-boyfriend!" She wiped her tears aggressively, "Now she wants to make you her husband and you're all set to do so because you know well how to make me fool with your sugar coated words." Her voice rose, and I tried to calm her down by holding her hands but before I could say something in reply she resumed and pushed my hands away "if you think that I'm an Idiot woman who blindly comes around by your any explanation so let me clear this to you Deni, no. I'm not an Idiot! Whenever you divert my mind from some topics by asking a question in reply of my question I know your intentions, but I pretended to be a fool because I thought you're doing all those things to not hurt me with the truth."

"Think whatever you want, conclude whatever you can... In the end you're going to do only what you want so there is no point of discussion!" I was done by then! Glared at Shifa I laid down facing opposite to her. There is a big difference between discussion and debate, she was not interested in discussing the ongoing matter but she was debating to throw Adeena out of the home.

"Remove this love's blindfold from your eyes and see the reality. Maybe you loved the Adeena who was innocent and pure hearted but this Adeena is not same for sure." Telling in the same manner as me she also laid down facing the opposite to me. I've heard that Gussa aqal ko zaya karta hai, (anger kills wisdom) and today I saw an example! She was so angry that not ready to listen to me.

<><><><><>

I waited for Shifa to wake up so that I we could talk but she was sleeping peacefully, and I didn't want to disturb her one more time. After having breakfast not more than glaring of my family I was in the car with Adeena. I was driving her to the flats the broker suggested.

"Daniyal I guess your family doesn't like my presence."

"They love their daughter-in-law even more than me, and after knowing about our past their behaviour is pretty obvious!" I took a pause, "umm... And don't mind but..." It was awkward to say yet I had to. "I try to do those works which Shifa does! It gives an expression that you're trying to be at her place." I glanced at her, the colour of her face was loosing somewhere.

"I... I just wanted to experience family love after a long time... After seeing your parents I remembered my parents that why... I don't want to do anything wrong. So you also have doubts regarding my intentions?"

"Of course not Adeena." I said without looking at her focused on the road.

But unfortunately all my time and efforts were wasted because Adeena didn't like one apartment and the the other apartment was faw away from her office and Zaryab's school. Dropping Adeena near home I went to complete some pending works and after some hours when I come back home, holding an intolerable headache I found Shifa in an angry mood.

"Deni..." She grabbed my arm when I entered in the room. "Why are you crying, Shifa?"

"Deni... Please ask her to leave. Please." Wiping her eyes with the back of her palm she muttered. "Please Shifa, Don't behave like a kid, where will she go? Yesterday only she has moved to a new home in which electricity and water supply is suspended for a few days. Just for a few days, yaar. She's kind of homeless for now." I was already frustrated after such a hectic day and now this. Shifa was literally joining her hands in front of me. For a moment I closed my eyes and wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

"My idiot woman! Don't overthink. Just don't. Daniyal Kamzi is all yours. No one can come between us." I kissed her forehead but she pushed me away. What's wrong with her? "I'm not an Idiot, or even if I'm an idiot I won't let some other woman take possession of my husband." I never saw this Shifa before, she was shouting, crying and showing rage in every possible way. I tried my best to explain that I won't get married to Adeena, I'm already happy in my life but she was not ready to listen to me, she was behaving like a stubborn kid who want to do what she wants!

She wanted Adeena out from this home... Just it!

Before our argument could hear up even more a figure walked in the room, she was Adeena...

Wow, great! Only this was left to be done! My brain was already not working and now these two ladies started arguing like anything. What the hell is this?

I was seeing towards one then the other and trying to conclude how to stop them because both of them were behaving like victims and I was a judge for them...

"Adeena, you go to your room." After listening to everything but not understanding anything I the easiest way to stop the chain of argument but this woman is also stubborn as bull. "Nhi Daniyal... Main aur beizzati bardash nhi kar sakti. Bas main jaa rhi hu abhi." Adeena cried and I felt the urge to hit my head on the wall.

(No Daniyal... I can't tolerate more insults than this.)

"Adeena, go to your room, right now." I shouted and she walked back.

"Deni..." Shifa grabbed my wrist, She was crying and I was feeling angry on her. Can't she trust me? What's the need of arguing with Adeena when I myself give words that she won't come in between us. I was outrageous as well as tired. "Don't you trust me?"

"Abhi tak to karta tha." And I walked to the bathroom after pulling my wrist from her grip.

(I used to do.)

"Ab nhi karte?" She asked and I just turned to see her. She was asking about trust but not trusting me a single bit, what's the point of discussion when she was not ready to understand my point.

(Don't you do anymore?)

"Deni..." She cried helplessly and I let a cold sigh out. It's her old habit of not understanding the matter deeply but taking quick decisions. She would understand me if she tried to talk to me politely instead of behaving like this.

"Aapko Kis baat ki insecurity hai Shifa? Mene keh diya main Adeena se shadi nhi karunga, kya aapko mujh pe bharosa nahi hai?" I was already frustrated and tired of repeating my words.

(Why are you insecure Shifa? I already told you that I won't get married to her, don't you trust me?)

"Aap uske liye mujh pr shak kar rhe hain, aap mujhe jhhuuta samajh rahe hain aur main insecure bhi feel nhi kru? Aap mere shohor hain aapko mujh pe trust hona chahiye us pe nhi." She shouted and I only wanted to hit my head on the wall. Both of them were switching small words which were making big differences in the meaning of their statements. I never thought that Shifa would lie just to send Adeena away. But she already changed two statements right in front of me.

(You're doubting my statements, you're considering me a liar and i can't even feel insecure? You're my husband, you should trust me not her.)

"Deni aapne abhi puri baat to suni hi nhi." She said while crying. Defeated. Ya Allah... Now what's left?

(Deni you haven't listened to me completely.)

"Sunao..."

(I'm all ears.)

Sitting on the couch I gestured to her to sit in front of me and she held my hand before crying out. Ya Allah... I can't see her crying.

"Shifa, aap mujhe pagal kar dogi..." I was angry just a moment ago but now shifted towards her I pulled her in a hug. "Stop crying."

(Shifa, You'll drive me crazy.)

"She hates me because..." I couldn't believe what she told me, it's not like that I don't trust her but the thing is, I know both of them. Shifa can't lie and Adeena can't hate her. They both are pure souls just the thing is... Shifa was taking her like a rival, and I can't blame her completely however she could demonstrate some sensibility by understanding the matter instead of arguing. 

"Adeena told you that she hates you?" I asked in reply and Shifa nodded. Thankfully she decided to talk not argue. I cleaned her tears and pulled her in a hug. Closer to my heart. The peace of my heart. For a moment I genuinely felt that now everything is fine and she would talk to me with calmness.

"Let me ask her." I said and Shifa pushed me away. What the hell? I was Already losing my temper.

"You trust her but you can't trust me? You need her testimony to believe that your wife isn't lying?"

"Shifa I trust you. I want to clear if there is a misunderstanding." I tried one more unsuccessful attempt... But our argument only heated up. Moreover Adeena appeared from nowhere and her presence was enough to ignite new argument in between them. I swear! I swear if I would send Adeena back at the same time if I could because now I can't be the referee in between them. Shifa had some major misunderstandings, and Adeena's false stories played a big role behind them. And unfortunately, at that time I was feeling like a dhobi ka kutta na ghar ka na ghat ka (Jack of all trades, master of none).

Adeena was crying with hiccups sitting on the floor.

"Adeena, Just stand up." I almost shouted at her and after listening to a long speech from her I finally asked her to go to her room then looked at Shifa who was crying silently sitting on the edge of the bed and her son's were echoing in the room.

"You can see her tears but not mine!"

"Mujhe maaf karo." Literally joining my hands in front of her I begged with frustration, "Main pagal ho jaunga in ladaiyon mein. Main Allah ki raza ke liye ek besahara ko sahara de raha hu."

(Forgive me!)

(I'll be gone nuts due to there arguments. I'm helping a helpless woman for Allah's sake.)

"Use sahara milte hi wo mujhe besahara kar degi." She shouted.

(She'll make me helpless as soon as she gets help from you.)

"Main aapko beyaar-o-madadgaar nhi chhod raha... Kitni baar yaqeen dilau?"

(I'm not leaving you helpless, how many times I need to assure you?)

"Aap to abhi se badal gye hain Deni." She walked out of the room while wiping her tears and I just smacked my forehead with my hand.

(You're already changed, Deni.)

<><><><>

Everyone was sleeping other than one person who was me. I saw Shifa who had cried a lot and argued too. I never wanted this kind of relationship. "I wish you could trust me instead of those idiotic nightmares." Kissing her forehead I whispered and she opened her eyes for a second and I open my arms, she slept peacefully and I just keep thinking about Adeena. I wanted to make sure that she stay safe and happy.

My mobile buzzed and I glanced at a text message. It was Adeena. She was confirming regarding tomorrow's meeting with the broker and I instead of replying through text just asked her to wait for me in the hall.

Drawing out the letters I had written for her I walked to her. "What's this?" She asked while holding the wooden chest and I set down opposite to her.

"All those letter which I wrote for you in your absence." She looked up at me with a shocked expression on her face. She immediately opened the chest and started glancing at the dates present on each envelope and she glanced at the last letter which was showing the date of only a few days back. "On one hand you're saying that you can't give me space in your life on the other hand you're writing to me and giving me these letters when your wife is sleeping in your bedroom!" Her eyes were questioning my intentions so as her words were, but I just nodded.

"Read all these letters." I told her while resting my back with the sofa and crossing my legs on the table. "Right now?" She asked and I nodded

She picked a random letter but I shook my head. "Go with the flow, follow the sequence." She started reading the letters and soon I witnessed her crying silently, one after another... Years after years... Those were the replica of my heart and pain that was hidden from everyone in these years and after a few hours she looked at me while lifting the last letter.

"I didn't know that my absence would effect you in this way, Daniyal. I love you... I still love you." I close my eyes and rested my head backward while remembering the time when I wanted to hear those words but now the situation was different. "Read the letter." I gestured her to continue and she open the envelope. For the next ten minutes she was reading the letter and I was reading her face.

Countless expressions came and changed in these few minutes, I fake cleared my thoughts and she looked at me. I'm sure, after taking ten minutes she had been reading this very text nth time now.

"I'm sorry." She muttered while folding the letter and slipped it in the envelope. "Don't be." I muttered and stood up from my place to put all the letters back in the wooden chest.

"Ye tumhari amanat hai tum rakh lo." Passing the chest towards her I said in a hushed tone and saw a few tears slipping down from her eyes.

(This belongs to you, so keep them.)

"I don't know what to say." She pressed her lips while holding the chest protective but I looked at her hand, she was still holding the last letter. Before she could put that in the chest I pinched the corner of the envelope and took it from her hand. "Ye Shifa ki amanat hai, main use khud dunga."

(This belongs to Shifa, I'll give it to her)

And I slipped the envelope in my pocket.

"Daniyal."

"Yeah?"

"I still love you." She blinked her eyes to stop flowing tears and I smiled before sitting in front of her.

"I also do, that's why I want you to be happy, but the intensity of my love for you is not like before. And I'm sure, now I also doesn't matter to you much... Adeena we already have learnt to live without each other, so there is no point of beating the dead horse. I and Shifa are already planning a family soon and I don't think there will be any room for you... I still hold a soft corner for you, that's why I want you to settle down in your life. Think about remarriage. You need love and emotional support." I said nothing after that and she didn't avert her eyes from my face for a long time.

"Why do you think that I'm not a human but a robot with no feelings, no emotions? Why?" She wiped her tears before continuing. "It wasn't easy for me to leave you and get married to Shahid but I did... I was loyal to him and I fall for him just like you love your wife... But he left me alone. Now I don't have courage to give a chance to another man... I have loved two men and both of them aren't in my destiny... Now I can't go on the same path one more time." I know it's painful but I let her say whatever she wanted, sometimes we don't need anything but a friend who could listen to us without judging. I was only seeing the broken woman who was trying to be strong for her son but losing her confidence with each passing day.

"Tomorrow we'll go to see another flat, maybe you'll like this one." I told her and she looked up after removing her hands from her face.

"You want me to leave your home soon. Right?" I keep watching her for a moment and sighed. "Umm... Yeah. Kind of!" I just shrugged.

"Don't mind Adeena but I can't stop Shifa from having doubts about us. She's not entirely wrong at her place, yeah that's wrong that's she's doubting your intentions but I again can't blame her, any wife would do this." I passed one of the most difficult smile and stood up.

If I could feel insecure hearing my wife talking to someone on a phonecall then her every action can be justified after watching her husband's ex-lover in the home, but the thing is... Trust! For once she can trust me instead of believing that I'll leave her for Adeena.

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To be continued....

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