"Daniyal aapne Shifa se baat kri? Main kal chali jau unke ghar?"

(Daniyal have you talked to Shifa? May I go to her home tomorrow?)

As soon as Daniyal entered home Mrs. Kazmi throw that question towards him. She could marry her son the very next day if it was possible to her.

"Ammi, thoda to sabr-o-tahammul se kaam lijiye. Shifa needs some time to think about it." With this reply, Daniyal disappeared into his room.

(Ammi have some patience)

"Khatija, kya sach mein Daniyal aur Shifa ek dusre ko pasand nhi karte?" Mr Husain kazmi asked his wife who just rolled her eyes.

(Khatija, don't Daniyal and Shifa really like each other?)

"Rehne dijiye Kazmi sahab, ye dono mil kar hume pagal bana rahe hain. Shadi apni marzi se karni hai lekin ye zahir nhi karna ki love marriage kar rahe hain. Daniyal ne kaha tha unhe koi ladki pasand hai, lekin us ladki ke baare mein kabhi kuch nhi bataya, agar wo ladki koi aur hoti to aapke bete shadi ke liye kabhi nhi maante."

(Oh c'mon Mr Kazmi, they are trying to fool us by showing that they don't like each other, in reality, Daniyal told me that he likes a girl if it's not Shifa why he's ready to get married to her? They both are trying to convert their love marriage into arranged one)

"Aap khush nhi hain?"

(Aren't you happy?)

"Bazahir to Shifa hamare bete ke liye ek achha intekhaab hai, lekin..." Mrs Kazmi smiled while mumbling

(It seems Shifa is a good choice for our son, but...)

"Zyada mat socho, Allah behtar kare." Mr Hussain Kazmi mumbled and his wife nodded.

(Don't think too much, May Allah make everything fine)

"wese aap dekh lijiyega, teen chaar din mein aapke bete keh denge ki Shifa ke ghar jana hai." Mrs Kazmi laughed lightly and her husband nodded with the same smile.

(By the way, you will see, in three to four days your sons will say that we have to go to Shifa's house.)

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I was witnessing tension between Mumma and papa, unfortunately, everything was because of me. I didn't want my parents to argue due to me.

"Billu, do something," I whispered when noticed papa ignoring Mumma and she was also not looking at him.

"What can I do?" He asked. Such a useless creature! Other than eating and sleeping he can't do anything. Umm. Definitely, He can!! He can make everything more problematic. How talented!!

"Mummy, Papa," I whispered to gain their attention. "Please don't be angry with each other due to me." I requested. Mumma looked at Papa but he looked away very soon. I felt guilty one more time.

"I'll do dishes." Saying that I started cleaning the dining area. At least, I could help Mumma with this. Sometimes I feel I'm the sole reason behind mummy's miserable life. After separation from my biological father, she could marry a much better person if she weren't a mother but due to me, she got married to papa. Mumma has put up with numerous problems just because of me.

Sometimes I feel my existence is a problem in itself. I shouldn't exist, my absence would not affect anyone, but my presence is trouble for mummy.

After doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen I went to Mummy's room, Papa was also present there but both of them were ignoring one another.

"Mumma, mujhe aapse kuch baat karni hai," I said in almost no voice.

(Mumma I wanna talk to you.)

"Bolo beta.''

(Yes, am all on ears)

"Umm... Not here." I mumbled before glancing at papa who was sitting beside Mumma. I wanted to tell her everything about my job as well as Deni and his mother's intention to visit our home. It's not easy for me to collect all my courage to tell about it, but I have to.

I don't have any problem with Deni's past. I know he can't love me, and love is not my priority either, but Respect and understanding are! And I trust Deni, he will give me the amount of respect I deserve.

"I'm coming." Nodding my head I stepped out from the room but stopped and turned to papa.

"Papa, should I make you tea?" I asked, and he looked at Mumma then shook his head. Strange! He refused to have tea after dinner!

Well, I have a better topic to focus on so I just left and waited for mummy for good ten minutes in my room. Deni is a nice man, but the main problem is... I can't tell mummy about him directly. How will she react when I will tell her about my lie as well as Deni's proposal? Everything is not so simple. May Allah help me!

I was busy with my thoughts when Mumma stepped into the room and I took a deep breath. "What happened why are you looking dull?" Mummy asked. I held her hand and made her sit down beside me.

"Mumma, please forgive me but I've been doing this just because I don't want to be a burden on papa," I told her making her confuse 

"Hmm? I don't get you, Shifa?"

"Mumma I am sorry." My eyes filled with tears. "I don't know what to say."

"Shifa Beta, you're not at fault. Shariq is not good for you." She kissed my head while embracing me. "My daughter deserves a man who could make her forget every pain, every deprivation." Mummy was caressing my head continuously.

"Mumma."

"Hmm beta?"

"Will papa accept if I want to get married according to my choice?" I asked but mummy's reaction scared me. She breaks the gig with a jolt. "What?" Her eyes were showing disbelief.

"Do you...love someone?" She asked and I shook my head without even thinking once. "No mummy, I... I was only wondering about it." I gulped and this time her eyes filled with tears.

"Shifa you know what I feel scared of love. Love is an ember which look like a ruby from distance, but it has power to burn your soul." Mummy was really looking scared, she took a pause and her eyes dropped the tears she was holding back. She cupped my face. "Please don't take any step..." I didn't let her complete.

"Trust me mumma, I don't do anything which will raise a question on your upbringing and papa's reputation." I assured her but she furrowed as if my answer was unexpected for her.

"Hell with my upbringing and your papa's reputation, people talk about someone until they don't get new topic. I'm saying not to take any step which will make your life difficult. No one come forward to help us in difficult time," she again took a pause and this time her tears became denser, eyes and nose were red. She pressed her lips together to control herself to cry but couldn't.

"I haven't love anyone more than Aa..Aatish." She muttered and close her eyes. I could see her pain eventually my eyes also drop tears.

"Mummy don't cry."

"Beta main bohot roo chuki hu, tumhe rote huye nhi dekh sakti. Kisi galat insaan ki baaton main aa kar apni zindagi kharab mat kar lena." She clean my tears and kissed my forehead.

(Dear, I have cried a lot, but can't see you crying. Don't spoil your life by getting into the words of the wrong person.)

"Mumma, I ain't going to take any step without your permission. Trust me." I held her hand in between mine and she looked up.

"It means there is something...?" She asked and I just bowed my head down. "Shifa." Her voice hold a question I close my eyes and nodded.

"Shifa..." This time Mumma was disappointed in me. I gave her an assuring look with a dead smile.

"Mumma I know my limits, and you also know I usually stay away from boys but he is different," I said in low voice.

"Everyone looks different in the beginning. Love is a fog which blurs everything." I shook my head at my mom's statement.

"I don't love him, nor he does." Mummy was confused. "Then? What's this?"

"Mummy, He supports and motivates me, and I admire him. Do you remember the lady with whom I came back home?" I asked the last part and mummy nodded.

"Hmm... I remember."

"She was his mother." Mummy was shocked, but I continued. "She liked me and want to come home for my proposal. But before doing anything Deni first asked me if I'm fine with it or not?"

"Deni? His name is Deni?" Mumma asked and I shook my head.

"It's Daniyal, I call him Deni." It wasn't easy for me to confess it and mummy's expressions were changed to anger.

"Shifa you told us that the lady is the relative of your tuition students. So are you this much free with your student's relative guy that you call him with a byname?"

"Mummy I'm sorry, I lied. I'm not giving tuitions. I'm working in the radio station as RJ." After all, I good her what I was hiding for a long time.

"What?" She just held her head and I tried to tell her everything and cried. She wasn't looking angry but disappointed, this is my biggest fear. I never wanted to break her trust.

"Mummy I don't want to be a burden on papa and Hamdan bhai," I told her everything, from doing the job to meeting Deni and how he always motivates me. For good ten minutes, she was silent. My heart was beating very fast.

"Shifa, why you were lying? Don't you know about his anger?" Bunny was looking scared of papa's reaction.

"Mummy, papa wouldn't let me do this job, that's why I hide the reality." 

 "Now don't tell anyone about the job,". I nodded on her command and she stood up to go back but I stopped her. "Mummy, what about Deni?" She glared at me and I lower my gaze.

"I... I'm sorry. I will tell her not to send his Ammi." I didn't lift my gaze to her but felt her still glaring at me with the same amount of anger.

"Don't." I listened her voice and looked up suddenly. Did. I listen correct? Or I understood wrong?

"Don't refuse," She was still angry but my heart give a loud beat. "It means..." I couldn't control my lips to smile

"Don't refuse but don't accept this proposal either, until I tell you what to do." First time in my life I was seeing mummy's anger, I only nodded and she turned to go back

"Till then make distance between you and Daniyal. Got it?" She focussed on Daniyal to make me realise what was his real name, not Deni. I silently she finally left me alone in the room.

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