Ten days passed but no call or text from Daniyal. Each and every single moment was becoming difficult for her to pass, she just wanted a solution but Daniyal's silence made it all clear that he wasn't interested in Shifa anymore.

"Shifa, have breakfast." Maryam walked in the room and Shifa nodded, though she wanted to refuse still nodded and walked out of the room.

"Start going to college, for how long will you stay at home?" Anwar asked in his usual rude tone and gestured to Maryam to serve breakfast to Shifa.

"Afifa se baat huyi? Kesi hai wo? Aap tum dono shopping par chali jao." Maryam lightly caressed Shifa's head but she stayed silent.

(Have you talked to Afifa? How's she? Why don't you go shopping with her?)

"Hmm... Go shopping and bring some clothes for your mother too," Anwar pushed some cash towards Shifa who silently picked up a slice of apple. Daniyal always passes her a slice of apple on the breakfast table. it was a small memory yet enough to made her cry.

Maryam and Anwar looked at each other, they didn't know what to do. "Shifa aapi I'm going to college, are you coming? I'll drop you off at your college." She looked up at Bilal and shook her head.

"You go." She dismissed him and stopped herself from crying. Bilal felt sad for her but silently walked out. Hamdan also went back last week so now this girl was feeling much weaker than before... But suddenly her lips pulled in a smile when she listened to her ringing mobile phone. "Who can call at this time?" Maryam muttered but Shifa knew it.

"Deni..." She stood up with a smile and tearfilled eyes before running to her room. Anwar and Maryam looked at each other. On one hand Shifa was not ready to go back but on the other hand she was still holding the other end of the rope of this relationship. After spending such a great time with a man it's not easy to forget everything and walk ahead. This girl was also dealing with that phase of life where she doesn't know what she should do? She was still ready to go back to Daniyal if he broke all the ties with Adeena and came to take her back but the question is...

Will Daniyal come?

She wiped her eyes while picking up her mobile from the bed and her smile went away as it was an unknown number. "Hello" she received the call and "Ma'am, there is a parcel, I'm on your doorstep."

"Oh... Okay I'm coming." She walked towards the main door after cleaning her eyes. "What's this?" Maryam asked about the little bag in Shifa's hand and Shifa shook her head. "I needed some things so..." She muttered after collecting the parcel and walked towards the door.

"Complete your breakfast."

"I'm not hungry anymore." She walked to her room

"Do something please... Do something." Maryam pleaded in front of her husband who sighed. "Give her some time Maryam, she's strong enough to handle herself. Now you don't become weak in front of her." Anwar pressed her hand and Maryam's tears rolled down.

"I can't see her in pain." She cried helplessly and Anwar just took a deep breath.

<><><><>

Pressing her lips together she was holding her breath and fixing her eyes on the small stick like thing present in her left hand, and her other hand was clutching on the marble sink to give support to her already weak frame. Within a few moments two red coloured lines started appearing on that and she couldn't help but close her eyes to let her tears flow down. Throwing the stick like thing in the bin she decided to reconfirm her doubt which was popping in her heart for the last few days. Opening a fresh packet of the same thing with her shivering hands she glanced at her face in the mirror. She was looking pale as well as scared.

After missing her periods she was left with almost no doubt. And another time two red lines yell loudly that she was pregnant. Throwing it in the bin she turns the water on and wash her hands while looking at herself in the mirror, but she didn't recognise the girl present on the other side of this shimmery surface. "It can't happen." She mumbled and silently cried. A loud sob begged to leave her lips but she held it. The cup of her hands was present under the running water but she wasn't ready to stop wasting this precious thing. Maybe she was used to losing precious things in her life. Taking another glance of herself she splashed the water on her face and this time she forgot to remove her hands from her face. "Why?" Mumbling that she cried and looked at herself one more time. For some more minutes which seemed like half an hour when her feet refused to stay stand she closed the running water before coming back to the room and threw herself on the bed.

Kya karu? Khush hu ki main pregnant hu ya matam karu? Asking herself in her heart she tried not to cry but tears automatically came out from her eyes. She herself didn't know for how long she had been crying, hiding her face in the pillow but when this new feeling hit her heart, her tears suddenly dried up! A faint smile crawled to her lips as soon as she placed her hand on her belly but the very next moment the smile was replaced by tears one more time.

(What should I do? Should I feel happy for this pregnancy or should I mourn for this situation?)

But it's not the correct occasion to waste time as well as tears. Standing up with a jolt she looked here and there, her mobile phone was lying on the floor. Picking up she dialled Daniyal's number and waited for him to receive the call.

The call was received from the other side but no one said a single word, "Hello, Deni... I have to tell you something." Her crying voice echoed but she didn't get a reply from the other side. "Deni... Aap sun rahe hain?"

(Deni, are you there?)

"Main Adeena baat kar rhi hu, Daniyal abhi ghar par nhi hain, wo apna mobile yahi room mein bhul gaye."

(It's Adeena. Daniyal is not at home. He forgot his mobile here in the room...)

Shifa's heart skipped a beat with the thought that Daniyal and Adeena were sharing the same room.

Has he already done nikkah with her?

He forgot his wife within two weeks?

Or he never remembers her... She was just a replacement! When his true love was there he didn't need a substitute.

"Wo wapas aane wale honge, main keh dungi tum se baat kar lein," Adeena added and Shifa smiled sarcastically.

(He must be coming soon, I'll tell him to call you back.)

"Nhi shukriya. Is meherbani ki zarurat nhi hai. Lekin tum kya kar rahi ho mere room mein?"

(No thanks. This favour is not needed. But what are you doing in my room?)

"Well let me tell you a lesson, never vacate your position to be taken by others! It's just starting baby this room is no more yours so as your hubby. Bye. Love you." And the call was disconnected from the other side. Shifa cried helplessly and threw her mobile phone on the bed.

Did she took a wrong move by leaving Qasr-e-Kazmi?

After thinking a lot she dialled another number and her call was received immediately. "Shifa,"

"Ammi."

"Ghar wapas aa jaiye beta."

(Come back home, dear.)

"Deni mujhe itni jaldi kese bhul gye?"

(How Deni can forget me so easily?)

"Beta aap bas wapas aa jaiye, is aurat ke irade naik nhi hain." Mrs Kazmi kind of pleaded.

(Just come back Shifa, this woman doesn't have good intentions.)

"Your son is not a toddler who can't understand. Why can't he feel this?"

"Are you coming? If yes, I'm coming to pick you up right now."

"No, I'm not! If my efforts, love and loyalty make no effect on him then I don't want to ruin the rest of my life in that home." Hanging up she smiled and looked at the four walls around herself... Last time she left this place with a determination to never stay here again but destiny's games are always unpredictable!

"Wow! I'm again homeless!" She smiled more and not only smiled but started laughing at her condition, "wow... I'm again homeless! How could I think about getting home?" She laughed until her eyes filled with tears. "How could I?" This time her laughter was converted into a sob and she cried helplessly while sitting on the edge of the bed. "How could I?" And she cried hiding her face in her palms. Her tears slipped down from her palms to the edge of the elbow and one of those tiny drops managed to jump on her belly. Feeling that wetness she looked at her belly and her hand landed on it.

"Tum bhi meri tarha hi ho..." Controlling her tears she muttered with a smile before adding "Bad-qismat." slightly moving her fingers on her belly as if she was trying to feel the traces of new life growing inside her. Tears again slipped from her eyes and she sniffled.

(You're also like me...)

(Unfortunate.)

"Tum kyu aa rahe ho meri zindagi mein? Main sab kuch kar chuki hu lekin aaj tak na ek achhi beti ban saki na achhi biwi, mujhe yakeen hai, main achhi maa bhi nhi ban paungi. Tum sach mein bad-qismat ho... Tumhe main mili ek maa ke tawr pe. Kash main tumhe khud kisi aese hatho mein de sakti jaha tumhe har wo khushi mile jo tum deserve krte ho. Lekin main majboor hu, main tumhare liye kuch nhi kar sakti." She told everything to the tiny life present in her frame but the very next moment she broke down in tears.

(Why are you coming to my life? Even after doing everything I failed to be a good daughter and a good wife, now I'm sure, i won't be a good mother also. You're truly unfortunate to have me as a mother. I wish I could hand you over to someone who gives you all the happiness you deserve. But I'm helpless. I can't do anything for you.)

Wiping her tears she stood up with determination and changed her clothes before stepping out from her room. "Where are you going Shifa?" Maryam asked when she noticed her daughter holding her bag and mobile phone while going towards the door.

"Thodi deyr mein aa jaungi." Without bothering to look back she told her mother and the very next moment she stepped out of the home.

(I'll be back soon.)

<><><><>

"Mrs Daniyal," she looked up at the lady standing in front of her with a file in her hands. "Yeah?"

"Your reports, You can meet the doctor now." Passing the file the lady in the uniform of a nurse said with a smile and Shifa slightly nodded while grabbing the file. "Thank you."

Opening the file she glanced at the papers present in it but only one word grabbed her attention. It was her pregnancy test and the result was showing Positive!

Knocking the door she stepped in the cabin and took a seat in front of the middle aged lady wearing a white coat. She took the file and read the reports which broke a professional smile on her lips. "Congratulations, yo..." Before the doctor could complete her statement she cuts her in between.

"Doctor, I want to abort this pregnancy."

"Umm... If I'm not wrong this is your first pregnancy. Right?" The doctor asked and Shifa nodded without meeting her eyes and the doctor took a pause before continuing.

"You're seven weeks pregnant, and it's a healthy pregnancy. Are you sure to abort this child?" Shifa looked up, her already red eyes twinkled with tears, she pressed her lips together and nodded while again bowing her head a bit down to hide her tears.

"As a professional I don't have any right to question your choice but as a woman and mother I would tell you to give second thought to your decision." Shifa was silent for a moment, she just sniffled and nodded her head while searching for a handkerchief in her purse but what came out from it made her cry miserably. It was Daniyal's handkerchief.

Daniyal ka har rumaal aapke aasuon par qurban, Aap roote huye achhi nhi lagti.

(Daniyal's every handkerchief sacrifice for you. You don't look good while crying.)

His voice from the past echoed in the background of her subconscious but she soaked her tears in the same handkerchief.

"I... I'm sure." Shifa muttered and the doctor gave her a sympathetic look then nodded.

"I'm prescribing medicine. Place 4 misoprostol pills under your tongue and hold them there for 30 minutes as they dissolve. You should not speak or eat for these 30 minutes, so it is good to be someplace quiet where you will not be disturbed. After 30 minutes, drink some water and swallow everything that is left of the pills. This is also a good time to take a painkiller like ibuprofen, as the cramping will start soon." The doctor passed the file back to Shifa who nodded while passing a hard smile.

"And... You should visit again for the after abortion checkup."

"Thank you." She walked out from the cabin while putting a big stone on her crystal heart. In her life she felt many times that her crystal heart was already shattered into pieces but this was the first time when she felt that she had no heart. 

<><><><>

"Kaha gyi thi Shifa? Kab se phone mila rhi hu mobile bhi band hai, itne bure bure khyaal aa rhe the... main preshan ho gyi thi." As soon as she stepped in the home Maryam asked worriedly and she looked at her mother like a dead person.

(Where were you Shifa, I was calling you but your mobile is off. I was dying with bad thoughts.)

"Umm... Mumma..."

"Hmm?" Maryam hummed in a softer tone when saw her daughter in this condition, she wasn't crying anymore but looking dead from inside.

"Mene kal subah pregnancy test kra tha." Shifa muttered and Maryam's eyes widened before she could ask Shifa added. "Positive tha." Maryam's lips pulled up in a smile and eyes filled with tears of joy.

(Yesterday morning, I did a pregnancy test.)

(It was positive.)

"Aur ye baat tum mujhe ab bta rahi ho? Kaha gyi thi? Daniyal ke paas?"

(And you're telling me now?! Are you coming after meeting Daniyal?)

"Nhi... Hospital gyi... Abortion Karane. Wahi se aa rhi hu." She said like it wasn't a big deal and Maryam's smile converted into shock, Shifa didn't wait there and walked to her room Leaving her mother in tears.

(No, I am coming back from the hospital... I went for abortion.)

"Maryam?" A whisper echoed in the silence and she turned to see Anwar who was standing behind her. Shifa didn't know that Anwar was already present in the room and he listened to everything.

"Ye sab kya hai?" He asked and Maryam walked towards Shifa's room before shaking her head like she was trying to say I don't know.

(What is this?)

"Tum aesa kese kar sakti ho Shifa? Tum itni pathardil kese ho sakti ho? Tumhare andar itni himmat kese aa gyi ki ek masoom ki jaan le lo?" Maryam stepped in the room and shouted but Shifa smiled while crying.

(How can you do this Shifa? How can you be so stonehearted? How did you gather the courage to kill an innocent life?)

"Main pathardil nhi hu mumma... Nhi hu main pathardil..." She muttered.

(I'm not a stonehearted person mumma, I'm not.)

"Lekin Main kese batau mujh mein itni himmat nhi hai ki main Maryam ban jaun... Mujhme himmat nhi hai ki main ek aur Shifa ko is duniya mein le aaun... Main itni pathardil nhi hu ki jo dard main seh chuki hu wo ek masoom ko bhi de du. Bohot dard hota hai meri jesi zindagi jeene mein... main itni pathardil nhi hu ki kisi ko aesi zindagi du... Mene socha ek baar ka dard har rooz ke dard se behtar hoga... Theek socha na?" Maryam was stunned. She had no words to say in reply but she still managed.

(But how many I explain that I'm not so courageous to become another Maryam... I'm not so courageous to bring another Shifa in this world... I'm not so stonehearted to give an innocent the same pain that I've been tolerating. It's too painful to live a life like mine, I can't be so stonehearted to give the same pain to my child. I thought about giving a single time pain instead of everyday. Isn't it correct?) 

"Ek baar Daniyal se baat to karti."

(I could talk to Daniyal once.)

"Maine kaha na, mujhme Maryam ban'ne ki himmat nhi hai. Main ek aur Aatish ke saamne apne aur apne bachhe ke future ke liye minnate nhi kar sakti." Maryam was stunned she had no words to say something.

(I told you na, I can't be another Maryam. I can't beg in front of another Aatish for my and my child's future.)

"Jaane se pehle darwaza band kar dijiyega, main kuch deyr soona chahti hu. Bohot thak chuki hu." It was a clear indication for Maryam to leave the room and she silently did the same.

(Close the door while going back, I want to sleep for some time, already very tired.)

Locking the door from inside Shifa sat down on the bed and tried not to cry. Placing her hand on her belly she closed her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm not a motherly figure." She muttered and drew out four pills from a strip and put it under her tongue while wiping her tears.

<><><><>