It's strange for me, how could I share everything with Shifa? How? I'm Daniyal Kazmi! I haven't shared my feeling with anyone but when she asked I didn't hide anything from her. In the end, she was in tears. I'm amazed, she was crying for me and Adeena.

Adeena and my story were a little bit similar to Shifa and Faraz, or it's better to say that the end of our stories is similarly bitter.

"Daniyal aap so gye kya?" I listened Ammi's soft voice on the door on my room, I didn't reply as I thought she would go back but she slowly open the door. I listened her footsteps and she sat beside me on the bed.

(Daniyal are you sleeping?)

Her hand caressed my head softly but I didn't open my eyes, I didn't want to face Ammi because she could again start Shifa's topic which I didn't want to discuss further.

"Main jaanti hu aap jaag rahe hain."

(i know you're awake.)

This lady has a super power for sure!!

"Ammi lemme sleep" I mumbled.

"Theek hai, Shifa ke baare me baat nhi karungi."

(okay, I won't talk about Shifa.)

Again?! But How??

This time I open my eyes and turned my side. "You're..." I stopped while shifting my head in her lap.

"I'm your mother." She stressed and I laughed. "Thanks for this piece of information. That's so kind of you." But she didn't even smile and keep watching me with a serious expression.

"Pareshani kya hai? Aap kuch batate kyu nahi hain Daniyal?"

(What's the problem? Why don't you tell me Daniyal?)

"Ammi main has raha hu... Aap preshani ka puch rhi hain?"

(Ammy I am laughing... And you're asking about my problem?)

"Ji aap has to rahe hain lekin khush nhi hain."

(Yes you're laughing but not happy.)

I sat down and held her both hands. "I'm happy. You and Baba please stop this. I'm not a kid anymore."

"Beta Shadi kar lijiye." This time Ammi was not ordering but requesting.

(Get married.)

"With whom?" I sighed.

"I haven't liked anyone else for you but Shifa only." She smiled softly and I was disappointed.

"Ammi... I don't love her." I replied honestly and she nodded

"Not a problem! Love is not necessary to get married but loyalty is. If you could be loyal and make sure not to betray her, I'm assuming you have a beautiful married life." I was silent on my mother's words.

Shifa deserves love and happiness in her life, she doesn't deserve a man who had been living with someone else's memories, I can't give Adeena's place to anyone else and it will be an injustice to Shifa if I would marry her. What about her dreams? What about the amount of happiness she deserves? By getting married to me, Shifa would be burdened with a relationship in which she won't find love. I can't be so cruel!

"Ammi, please. Try to understand."

"Do you like any other girl?" She asked and I shook my head.

"I have seen your chemistry with Shifa, you were talking to her in a friendly way that's not an ordinary thing Daniyal. Try to see things from my viewpoint, Shifa will be proved as a good wife."

No doubt, she will be a great wife but will I be a good husband? I don't think so! That's why I don't want to destroy someone's life.

"Phir main Shifa ke ghar jaane ka plan kru?" She asked and I sighed.

(Should I plan a visit to Shifa's home?)

"I'll let you know tomorrow. First I have to talk to her." I replied honestly and Ammi smiled before leaving me alone in the room. My slumber was already gone so I decided to do what gave a small amount of peace to my restless heart.

Dragging the chair of the study table I sat down to pour out all my emotions on a paper.

Adeena,

You've left me in a situation where neither I'm yours nor could be someone else's! Your love is destroying me, it's not a complaint but my pain. How could I give your place to Shifa or any other girl? Adeena you're in the deepest core of my heart and soul I can't remove you from that place. You know what, today, for the first time I shared my and your story with Shifa. I told her everything about how did we meet in college, how not your beautiful face but elegant heart attracted me towards you. I still admire your helping nature, selflessness and passion to sacrifice for others. I told Shifa everything including your timidity in the beginning, how you were not ready to accept your love for whole one year, then how did you change your mind and slowly started accepting our love and then the night when we were chatting and I text you to confess my love and you replied with those three words for the first time. That day was one of the best days of my life. You know Adeena, Sometimes I regret that why did I decide to go out of India for two years? We both lost all the ties and when I came back I was already late as your marriage was fixed with someone else. But I still didn't lose hope as I believe in your and my love. I thought you might understand me and give a decision in my favour. But I was wrong. I couldn't forget how you told me that you never loved me but it was a mare attraction. Your confession of love was not real but just a stupid act which you did without any strong feelings. You killed me that day.

Today, for the first time I shared my feelings about the day when I buried Daniyal Kazmi as well as your love inside me. I don't know where are you right now, but you have taken apart a part of me with yourself and now I am carrying the carcass of myself and our love.

But I don't hate you Adeena, I know you were helpless. I know you also loved me. I know that marriage wasn't your happiness but your sacrifice for your family. I know you've sacrificed your love to save your family. And you know what, This point connects you with Shifa. She has also sacrificed her love for the sake of her family. From where you both have gathered this much courage to forget everything and hold up a big grin on your face when you were crying from inside? You both are incredible actors.

Honestly speaking Adeena, sometimes I found you in Shifa. Her silly innocence with wise thoughts is quite a bit like you.

I'm unable to forget you, how did you forget me? I wish I could but a part of me don't want to forget you.

Enough for now!! I wish you could read these letters one day.

You're not mine anymore but

I'm still yours.

Your and only your

Daniyal kazmi.

I folded these two papers and sealed them in a white envelope before putting that with numerous letters resting in my cupboard.

Today, Ammi's request made me realise that she's worried about her only son. Should I talk to Shifa about this marriage? But how is it possible? I don't have a place for her in my heart. I could give her the status of my wife but not the love which she deserves. And I can't do injustice with her or any other girl.

••••••••••••••••••

When I entered home, my head was spinning and my eyes were burning. "What's wrong?" Bilal, who opened the door for me asked in a hushed tone.

"Headache," I muttered and he touched my forehead. "Shifa aapi, You have a high fever."

"Hmm..." I stepped towards my room but felt strange as the home was feeling empty. And Bilal informed me that mummy and papa were visiting Musa uncle's home to talk to them and roll over this matter. I was surprised to know that but in the end, I was satisfied.

"By the way, mummy and papa argued last night, just because of you." I looked at Bilal who was passing me the information that made me feel guilty. "Even they both argued just an hour ago too." He further added and I stay silent with guilt feeling rising inside me.

"I'm sorry for that" I stepped into the room and Bilal came after me. "Shifa aapi why are you doing this? Musa uncle loves you so much, just like a daughter. Shariq bhai is also good looking and well settled, okay Rani Phuppo has a bitter tongue but overall everything is fine. Everything is messing around just because of you." I was shocked At what Bilal said just now. Am I responsible for everything? Really?

"What do you think Bilal, why I'm refusing this marriage?" I cross-questioned, this time with outrage

"Because you don't like him." He replied and I only smiled sadly.

"I would marry him just to make papa happy, even if I wouldn't like him but here it's not about my like and dislike. It's about my self-respect. Have you seen Hamdan bhai insulting Mehvish bhabi? Have you ever seen papa insulting mummy in front of others? Or have you seen Razi Mamu insulting Mami in front of others? Bilal try to understand, a girl could live without money, love and all the fantasies of life but not without respect. How would a person who doesn't even want to carry the weight of a few bags of mine, could walk along with me? Could I expect his support when I feel low in my life? Would he consider my choice and opinions before making a decision? Would he take a stand for me at the time of need? Dude, he had insulted me in front of Deni and his friend, he insults me at every family gathering." I almost shouted this time and he kept watching me. I ignored him and lay down on my bed without even changing my clothes, soon he went out of the room. My headache was already killing me. It has been half an hour when my brother came again this time he softly knock on the door.

"Get out from my room" I yelled but he glared at me.

"Kya ho gya? Insaano ki tarha baat karni nhi aati kya?" He yelled back at me. We both glared at each other and he sat down beside me.

(What's wrong? Don't you know how to talk?)

"I've brought chicken roll for you, Have it, you like it na?" Passing me a roll he glared at me and said like doing the hugest favour on me. I held that while glaring at him back and starting to have it silently.

"Oh my Allah... I'm waiting for you if you'll ask me for a single bite but no... You're having it like there is no tomorrow." He scolded me while snatching the roll from my hand.

Really??

He is younger than me but never behave like one.

"Bilaaalllll...." I huffed and slap his head but he ignored.

"Okay listen! I'm sorry." He pulled my cheek while passing back the chicken roll and I made a crying face. I hate when anyone pulls my cheeks. It's my personal property no one has the right to pull them without my permission.

"Jangli gadha (wild ass)." I mumbled while rubbing my cheek, and he gave me a side hug. "Meri badi beheennnnn... I'm just like you Shifa aapi."

(My elder sister)

I wanted to show my anger but his dramatic acts made me laugh, I slapped his arm a few times before continuing munching the roll.

"Is this tasty?" He asked and I nodded happily. "Yes, It's tasty."

"It cost complete 90 rupees, so give me my money, you're not so good that I spend my pocket money on you." I wanted to beat his face with my slipper but the boy was fortunate to run away from the room.

"Idiot." Mumbling that I begin again my job, I mean having the roll. And he again stepped in the room with a big grin

"What's wrong now?"

"Take this medicine and take rest." Giving me a blue coloured strip of medicine he glared at me without any reason.

"Get lost," I took another bite "not before giving a glass of water." Adding that I looked away.

"You get lost, thoda pyaar se baat kya kar li mere sar ko stage samajh lar Bharatnatyam shuru kar diya."

I love to annoy him.

"I'm doing this work just because you've fever otherwise I wouldn't do this." Placing a glass of water he announced and I rolled my eyes.

"My Hamdan Bhai is much better than you. Idiot, donkey" I rolled my eyed just to annoy him. I just love to do this work. But that's true they both indeed love me. Who could say they are my stepbrothers?

After taking the pill I tried to take a nap but couldn't because Deni's face was roaming in my scenes. I never thought he loves someone. I drew out my diary and pick a pen.

Dear diary,

I am surprised, Deni is in love. I could feel his pain and feelings. His smile; when he was remembering happy moments and his sad face when he was remembering the separation, was telling clearing how deeply he was attached to Adeena. Deni was holding back his tears when he was telling me that Adeena's father and brother had a big loss in business, they both wanted to collaborate with one of their rivals and to save their business, they fixed Adeena's marriage with the son of their rival businessman. According to Deni, Adeena wasn't happy but she sacrificed her happiness just to save her father and brother from problems. I don't know if she was selfish or not but I only know that Deni is broken from inside. He has lost himself in the land of her love and now he is wandering alone in that desert. He gains respect in my eyes one more time, I want a life partner just like Deni. Not just like Deni but I want only Deni.

Am I falling for him?

Maybe yes.

I'm unable to stop thinking about him. His heart is so pure, he doesn't do anything to attract me but every time he comes closer to me. He is one of the most amazing men I've met yet.

But I know it's no less than a dream to think about him. Alas, I'm just a colleague for him nothing else.

_Shifa.

Throwing all the thoughts away I close my diary but Deni's face was not leaving my imagery world.

<><><><><><>