Muskan's POV

"Yes daddy"

"Not only yes, I want your proper reply" He yelled on me as I broke the glass in front of him by mistake

"I'll be careful from now onwards," I said in hushed tone with a lower gaze.

"Sometimes I regret that you are the daughter of that woman who never understood her responsibilities, so how can you understand your responsibilities!? But you don't have a single trace of me in your habits" I again listen what I have been listening to for ten years.

That was just a glass tumbler which slipped from my hand when I was picking that while having my dinner.

"Sorry Daddy" He glared at me while leaving his dinner in between and moved towards his bedroom.

Who behaves like this for a small glass? but without thinking much I resumed my dinner as I was very hungry. I don't like eggplant but still I was eating the same, half heartedly, because daddy likes eggplant so that was the most cooked vegetable in my home. I could order to cook everything else but I always surrendered my wishes and choices so that daddy could notice my feelings but I never got success.

"It's hardly five minutes when you commented to be responsible... Is this your responsible nature? The broken glass is still laying on the floor, what will happened if someone..." he stopped in between for a jiffy "Not someone's but your own foot will be hurt with it?" He complete his scolding and I looked at the broken glass.

"Gulshan bi ise saaf kar dain (please clean this)" I said in a slightly loud voice and the maid came there with a broom and dustpan.

"Gulshan Bi hasn't broken this glass, since you have break this so you have to clean this mess." I looked at the maid who was standing in front of me holding cleaning equipment, she stopped to clean that glass because of daddy's hand which gestured her to stop.

"Gulshan bi Give broom to her" He ordered the maid who extended the broom towards me, I looked at the morsel which I was holding in my hand to put in my mouth. I was very hungry since afternoon but due to Daddy's glare I placed back the morsel in my plate and held the bloom.

"Jab koi galti kro to use khud sudhara karo" Daddy said when I was lifting the broken glasses in the dustpan. A tear rolled down from my eyes, because the maid was standing and I was cleaning the floor just for my wee mistake.

(if you make any mistake then be prepared to correct that too)

"Don't show me these crocodile tears like your mother" I looked up at the man who was no one else but my father, but he didn't stop for a single moment and left for his jogging.

"Mom did correct by leaving him. He must be like this with her too" I mumbled while getting up holding the broken piece of that glass and maid lifted her hand for holding the dustpan but I shook my head.

"Clean the dining table" I said without looking at her and made my way to the room. After some ten minutes of crying I was sitting silently on the floor resting my back with the bed when I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in" I said while sniffing, and Aunty walked in my room with a bowl in her hands.

Aunty means Firdoos aunty, she was our cook but just like a nanny for me. She was working in our home since I gained my senses. I remember how Mom used to take my care and she used to order Aunty to cook different dishes for me. But then Mom left me and I became alone. So many times aunty took my care just like Mom. Daddy comes back home for a few days in pwhole year and I used to spend my whole time with my grandmother and Aunty, unfortunately my grandmother also left me alone when I was sixteen.

"Muskan bibi come have dinner" She said and I shook my head, but she lovingly passed me the bowl of noodles.

"You like it, right?" She asked with a smile and I shook my head with stubbornness.

"I don't like it" I lied and she again smiled.

"I know, you like it since childhood, come on, have this like a good girl" she said as if she was convincing any small girl.

"No aunty I'm not a good girl, don't you see daddy's behaviour with me? If I would be a good girl then he would never behave like that with me" I stopped myself to cry.

"You are a good girl, but your father doesn't listen to the voice of his heart, he blindly follows his rules. And one day he will regret this" Aunty said with a small but sad smile.

"How and why will he regret it?" I asked in confusion

"People who don't listen to the voice of their heart and always follow the rules blindly, mostly regret at the end, because many times we lose something precious in following our so-called iron rules. But after passing a circle of time we realise that we lost precious time in following the rules. Instead of following those rules if we would listen to our heart and do what could make us happy then life would be different. Completely different" Aunty said and passed me the bowl of noodles. I silently held that and thought about what she said. She slowly caressed my head and made her way to get out of the room. But I stopped her when she almost stepped out of my room.

"Aunty"

"Hmm"

"Aunty, does everyone get happiness by listening the voice of heart?" I asked and she narrowed her eyes with a small smile.

"Sometimes you behave like a small innocent girl" She compliment and I smiled but I repeated my question

"No... Heart says many things but it is necessary to listen only to the best suggestion, and to be true it's not a piece of cake. A wrong decision can spoil the whole life." I just blinked in disbelieve on what she said

"But a few moments ago you have said that following the voice of heart is important and now you are saying this" I said with confusion and she smiled

"Following rules blindly is not a good idea, sometimes we need some kind of flexibility in rules, if the rules become a burden then leaving them is better. But at the same time Leaving the rules completely is also unacceptable. Neither we can leave the rules nor we can blindly follow them, sometimes we have to break some rules to make new rules for ours as well as others betterment"

I don't know what aunty was saying, everything was beyond my level.

"Aunty you are making me more confused," I said with furrowed brows.

"Beta life isn't a book of theory that you have read that inside out and you are prepared for an exam. No! but life is a test which always gives you questions from outside the syllabus. For that everyone has to make their own theory. One's theory of life can resemble others but only resembles it can't be completely ditto" saying that aunty left me alone with the bowl of noodles in my hands and tons of questions in my head.

Is it true that listening to the heart can make us happy?

Do I need to listen to my heart?

But what exactly does my heart say?

I asked many questions to myself and realised that I didn't even know what I wanted! I started having my favourite noodles as well as thinking what I exactly wanted to do. After a long discussion with myself I only came to one conclusion.

I should Call Arham and confess my love for him. That wasn't easy for me to even think that, my heart started running marathon and I picked my mobile from bed.

"But What will Arham think about me?" I questioned to my timid heart. I knew I was following the useless iron rules of society! There isn't any law that only a boy could confess his love in front of girl! A girl can also confess her love but my gase was different because I was afraid if Arham refused to say that he already love that girl then it will be my insult!

What will he think about me?

"But what if he accepted, because that girls also don't like him maybe" I listened that voice from my heart

"But it would be embarrassing if he clearly refused, I won't be able to make myself stand in front of him for my whole life," I said to my stubborn heart. I made myself stand in front of mirror and looked at the girl who was encouraging me to talk to Arham.

"Why I'm so Idiot, duffer, moron, silly, coward, mousy, poltroon...?"

Had I left a single word which could prove me fearful then I remember yes it does left timid and fearful to define my that quality..

But I listen to my heart and decided to call Arham and tell him how much you love him. I didn't want to regret one day when Arham will be with someone else and I will be with that army officer who is the son of my daddy's best friend.

I can't marry that army officer, I even feel scared of his face.. I don't want anyone like him as my husband.

I dialed Arham's number with my trembling hands, my heart was beating fast and my palms were wet due to nervousness.

"What will I say to him?" I mumbled while disconnecting the call and look at myself in mirror.

"Ar.. Arham I love you"

"Ehhh... What the hell.. Poor Arham will be faint after listening that... Or maybe he will think that I'm doing any prank." I was confused

"Arham... I wanna say something.... I.."

It's not easy

"But you have to do it" My heart said strictly and I took a deep breath.

"Now do or die" saying that I picked up the mobile and called him.

The ring was going and my eyes were shut tightly, my heart was beating madly, fist was clenching the corner of my dupatta and my breath was very stucked in my chest. At the same moment I listened to that voice....

'The person you are calling is not answering, please try again later'

"Arhaaammmmm, receive the call... I can't call you if daddy come back from his jogging" I mumbled and again call him but again the same response.

I thought he maybe in the washroom or busy in some work. That's why he wasn't responding to my call, so to pass my time I called Maizah. But that girl also didn't receive my call which made me anxious because neither she off her mobile nor she ignored anyone's call.

Then I dialled Anzala's number. And he received my call in the first ring.

"Hello sweetie pie.."

"Please... My name is Muskan not that so don't call me sweetie pei" I responded that way and listened to him laughing.

"Don't you like this name?" he asked and I said ''No" owing to the fact that I don't like when Anzala uses his flirting words... Friendly words and friendly praising were fine but since many days I was noticing his increasing flirting, which I don't like a single bit.

"So I'm sorry if you don't like this sweetie pei" I hummed in response but before I could say further he said "I'm happy that at least you remember to call me otherwise you never call me"

"I haven't call to talk to you, but to ask why Maizah isn't receiving the call?" I enquired and he sighed.

"I thought you would call to talk to me!"

"No, I haven't, tell me about your cousin" I said and he was silent like I said something wrong or something unexpected

"Anzala are you there?"

"Hmm.. My cousin..." I listened his mumbling, don't know why I felt that he was hurt due to some unknown reasons or something was different in his behaviour

"What Happened Anzala?"

"Maizah has gone to her maternal grandparent's home, she must be in the way so maybe she hasn't noticed her mobile ringing" He informed me and I nodded while saying "okay"

"By the way, tell me one thing..." I asked meekly and he chirped with full energy "Yeah sure, just ask"

"Arham is also not receiving my call . Do you know why?" I asked because at that night Anzala and Arham play online games together.

"Umm.. I dunno? I think he is busy in something, I send him request to play game but he hasn't accept yet" he informed me and I think for a moment

"By the way, why were you calling him?" Anzala asked and I was answerless.

"Umm.. Actually.. I.. I have to take notes from him" I answered while stammering

"I think he is busy with his girlfriend that's why he isn't responding to us" my heart skipped a beat when Anzala said that

"But he doesn't have any girlfriend" I utter meekly and Anzala chuckled

"Yeah he doesn't have a girlfriend right now, but he wanna make a girl his girlfriend. Maybe he is busy in trying his luck, and I wish Allah will give him success in making that girl his girlfriend" I felt like someone took out my heart from my frame.

"No not girlfriend, but may Allah give that girl as his wife" Anzala added happily and my heart again skipped a beat.

"Muskan I'm doing dua (prayer) At Least say Aameen" He instructed and I closed my eyes.

"Aameen" I said trying to pretend easy but I actually wasn't

"But Arham's mobile was ringing he isn't talking to anyone else" I think for a moment and defend him, but Anzala chuckled

"Come Muskan, right now I'm chatting with Mansha on Instagram, but talking to you on call... Arham can chat with anyone while you are calling him" Anzala said like I was an idiot who didn't know that simple thing but actually I didn't want to accept the fact that Arham likes or maybe loves someone else.

"Anzala I'll talk to you later. bye " saying the same I cut the call and dialled Arham's number again but after a long ring he cut my call.

I again dialled his number with determination but this time he cut the call with the very first ring.

"Is he really talking to that girl?" I mumbled and tears appeared in my eyes with sorrow

'Ttyl, ryt now m bsy wid sum1'

I received his text the very next moment and placed the mobile on the side of my pillow.

"Talk to you later, right now I'm busy with someone" I re-read his message and turned off the light of my room, but sleep wasn't consuming me, that was hardly nine of night and I was trying to sleep. Because it was difficult for me to forget about Arham while I was awake.

He loves someone else who I'm in his life?

'I'm nothing for him'

'Nothing just a classmate whom he will forget after few days of completing the college'

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_Naaz Jamal