I was still sitting on the floor, After seeing the pics of that corpse my heart was sinking. If she was Sara then I'm responsible for her death. But Sara couldn't give up... Especially on her life! But her hair... It was the same wavy hair brown hair.

Was she Sara?

Did she commit suicide?

All those questions were killing me from inside. I was a tough man who doesn't know crying but I was crying for my Sara... And a knock on the door grabs my attention.

With the hope that my Sara was back I stood up in hurry but that was a postman who hands over me a white envelope.

It was my termination letter. Nothing surprising. After that scene with Avinash, I already knew that I'll not remain at that job, even I would resign by myself as I didn't want to even see his face again but there was another legal notice attached with my termination letter. Notice to leave this home within a few days. How could I forget that I get this apartment from the company? When my job is no more then I have to leave this home too.

Resting my head with the wall I was trying to conclude the number of losses I have had in few months.

I lost my love, my wife... My Sara.

I lost my job

I lost all my hopes and dreams

And now I was on the way to lose my home.

It wasn't home before one year, but that Jangli Billi converts this dull house into a home. Why I didn't trust her? Why?

I wanted to end my life with my own hands...

But maybe I was a coward to take that decision.

Leaving all the work I started packing my luggage. And then I open the cupboard which was untouched for the last three months. It was Sara's cupboard. I started packing her clothes. I don't know why I was doing so, but I only wanted to take her everything with me.

'Where will I go?'

That question suddenly popped in my head and a loud voice echoed in my ears.

Adnaan, please... Where will I go?

Sara was pleading... But I ignored her.

Guilt was gulping me whole, my life was not less than a punishment. Marriage is a bond of trust, but there was no trust between us. I love her, but I didn't trust her. I don't know where we both went wrong that bring so many differences between us. The fact was, we distrust each other but trusted the wrong people. Avinash and Qaleel bother came out as Aasteen ka stamp (snake in the grass) and for us they were trustworthy.

While cursing myself I was clearing her cupboard when a book fell on the floor. It was strange because Sara always keeps her books on the shelf, not in the cupboard. I was Picking the book when few white sheets peeped out from between the yellowish-brown pages of that book.

I started reading what was written by her.

Tum bohot bure ho, pta nahi kyu mujhe itna preshan karte ho... Aur ek main hu, tumse jitni nafrat karti thi ab wo sari Mohabbat me badal chuki hai.. Kabhi socha bhi nahi tha tum jese insaan ko apna dil de bethungi. Kabhi socha bhi nai tha Tumhari badtameeziya, tumhari bakwaas, tumhara preshan karna mujhe itna achha lagne lagega. Tumse ladne me to pehle bhi maza aata tha, specifically tumse jeetne ke liye hi ladti thi, lekin ab tumse haar kar bhi dukh nhi hota.

(You're very bad. Why you trouble me? And here my all hatred towards you has been converted into love. I had never imagined that one day I'll lose my heart for a person like you. It's awkward but now I like your irritating deeds, I live when you annoy me and I enjoy your rubush prangs and cheap jokes. Back then I like to argue with you, I still do. But then I argue with you to insult you but now I don't feel bad after losing by you in arguments)

I was shocked, my heart wished to see Sara in front of me but she wasn't there. I took next sheet and started reading that

Tumse shadi ka feesla meri zindagi ka pehpa aur aakhri feesla tha jo mere parents ne meri marzi ke khilaf kra, magar ab sochti hu achha hi hua ki unhone meri baat nhi maani, warna tum jese Pagal ke sath rehne ka chance miss ho jata.

(The decision of marrying you was the first and last decision of my life for what my parents had forced me. I was angry at that time, but now I'm happy that they didn't accepted my decision, otherwise I would have miss the chance to live with a idiot like you)

I continued reading all the pages.

Adnaan tum thode Pagal ho, ajeeb bhi ho... Aur gareeb bhi... Not in terms of money but in terms of emotions. Shayad tum jesa koi aur hai hi nhi, tum care karte ho magar jatate nahi ho, pyaar to karte ho magar dikhate nahi ho aur bharosa karte ho lekin batate nahi ho. Tum sachhi Pagal ho...

(Adnaan you're mad, weird as well as poor, in the terms of money but in terms of emotions. No one is like you. You care about me but never show, you love me but don't confess, you trust but never tell. You're actually an idiot.)

Ek chhoti si choot lagne par tum mujhe hospital le Jaane ke liye tayyar ho gye the. Mujhe ek dress pasand aane par tumne apni shirt nhi li kyuki tumhare paas itni hi pese the ki koi ek cheez le sako... Tum itna sab karte ho to izhaar kyu nahi karte ki main tumhare liye kya hu? Kyu kabhi mujhe us tarah treat nhi karte jesa main chalti hu? Hamesha nahi but at least 1 din ke liye hi mujhse Mohabbat ka izhaar to kro. Mujhe ehsaas dilao ki main kya hu tumhare liye.

(You were taking me to the hospital because of a small injury. You left to buy a shirt for yourself because you could only buy a suit for me or that shirt. You do all these things for me but why you don't express your love? Why you never treat me in the way I want? Why you are so inexpressive? Okay, not regularly but at least for a day pamper me and adore me, just like I want. Express your love and feelings towards me)

Mujhe yaad hai tumne mujhe kis tarah gale lagaya tha jab main storeroom me lock ho gyi thi... Us waqt mujhe Pehli baar ehsaas hua ki Hamara rishta kya hai, mujhe us waqt wesa hi ehsaas hua tha jesa papa ke Saath hota tha... Safe and protected. Is waqt mujhe Pehli baar Hamara rishta thoda samajh aaya tha. Hum chahe ek dusre se kitna bhi lade, kitna bhi gussa ho, magar Mohabbat bhi shiddat se karte hain. Utni hi shiddat se jitni shiddat se kabhi ek dusre se nafrat kri thi.

(I still remember how did you embracede when I was locked in storeroom. For the first time ever I understand our relationship at that time. I felt safe and. Protected with you, in the same way I use to fell with my papa. First time ever I got to know, no matter how annoying we both are for each other, no matter how much we hated each other but we love one another as much as we hated each other.)

Us nafrat ki kya wajah thi ye to mujhe nhi pta, lekin hamari Mohabbat Ki wajah wo nafrat hi hai.

(The reason behind our hatred is a question in itself but the reason behind our love is definitely our hatred)

Ye sari baate main tumhe batana chahti hu, magar kabhi nahi bataungi. Tumhe shayad pta bhi, nahi hai tum mere liye kya ban chuke ho. Tumhe Lucknow gaye hue abhi do din hi hue hain aur main tumhe itna miss kar rahi hu. Tumhare bina ab ghar me dil hi nahi lagta. School se wapas aane ke baad tumhara intezar karne ki aadat si ho gyi hai. Jab tak tumhara sada hua Bandar jesa chehra nahi dekhti sukun nahi milta. Tumhari yaad aati rehti hai, magar na-jaane wo din kab ayega jab tum mujhe yaad karoge? Pta nahi main tumhari zindagi me itni important hu bhi ya nhi ki tum mujhe yaad kro, magar main sach me chahti hu ki tum kabhi mujhe yaad kro... Mera intezaar karo aur Jab main ghar wapas aau to tum mujhe tightly hug karke batao ki tumne mujhe kitna yaad kara... But I know...you won't miss me ever... Or by any chance if will, them you won't express your feelings.

(I wanna let you know all these things but I won't. You don't even know about your status in my life. I don't feel good at home in your absence. Now it's my habit to wait for you after returning from the school. My heart does not stay in peace until I see your horrible face. I miss you so much but don't know when that day will come when you'll miss me? The day when you'll wait for me. I don't even know if I am so important for you or not but it's my wish that you miss me and wait for me. And I'll return, you just hug me tight and lemme know how much you missed me But I know...you won't miss me ever... Or by any chance if will, them you won't express your feelings.)

"I'm missing you my Jangli Billi, but I never wanted to miss you in this way

Just come back yaar I'll hug you tightly and never let you go away from me" I was in tears. I was in the grave of sorrow and my heart was going to stop beating. I was all dead indise.

Packing some more things of home I got her mobile, it was switched off. Connecting that to charging cord I turned on that, it was showing some notifications of Email. I open one and my eyes became wide. That was her bank account statement. Her bank account was active till a week back. She had withdrawn a small amount from her account.

"No one else can withdraw money from her account, it means..."

" Sara is alive." It was impossible for me to understand my own emotions. On one hand I was dying to see her, on the other hand I was happy that she was alive.

"But where is she?"

I had to search Sara, no matter how.

If I would have to go to the deepest part of sea or highest mountain of the mountain... I would do that.

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