Chapter 34

“Fayra, at least listen to me.” 

“Go to hell, and if you dare to call anyone else to talk to me I won't leave you alive.”

“Fayra…”

-Beep- 

He was unable to understand what to do. This morning, after finding Fayra's name in call history he returned the call immediately but she was unreachable. Trying to contact her through social media he realised that he was blocked from everywhere. After thinking a lot he called Zinia and asked her to make him talk to Fayra, however, he got nothing but anger without knowing his fault.

“Any problem?” Aisha asked after noticing stress dancing on his face.

“No” he muttered and she focused on the road again. They both were coming back from the office. 

“Want to have coffee or tea?” Aisha asked while parking the car and Danish sighed. 

“A strong cup of tea. Please.” 

“You're not looking alright, Danish.” 

“I'm fine, just need some tea.” He muttered while stepping towards the lift. Aisha was witnessing him silently But she couldn't ignore his condition any longer. 

“Is everything fine at home?”

“Yes. All good.” Danish tried to pass a smile but couldn't. 

“Anything related to job or business?” Aisha asked while unlocking her apartment.

“Nope.” taking his seat on the sofa he shook his head.

“Okay, I understand. You're missing Fayra. Or maybe she is angry with you. Or maybe you both have an argument.” Aisha asked with a smile, for her, a little banter wasn't anything serious but Danish suddenly looked at her. 

“We didn't argue but… she is angry with me.” He said in a hushed but heavy voice. Pain was peeping out from his words. 

“Hmm… got it.” Aisha sighed and Danish looked at her to understand what she understood. “Abhi kuch mahine pehle hi to shadi huyi hai aap dono ki aur aap use waha chhod ke aa gye. Wo aapse naraz hai, aur aapko uski yaad aa rhi hai. Hai na?” he smiled sadly at this story.

(It’s only been a few months since you both got married, and you left her there. She’s upset with you, and now you’re missing her. Isn’t that right?)

“Wo mujhse naraz hai lekin isliye nhi kyuki main use chhod ke aa gya lekin isliye kyuki maine us se shadi kar li… aur mujhe uski yaad aa rhi hai lekin us se baat bhi nhi kar sakta kyuki use achha nhi lagta.”

(She’s upset with me, but not because I left her—because I married her… And I do miss her, but I can’t even talk to her, because she doesn’t like it.)

“What do you mean?” She asked. Furrowed. Confused. Danish sighed and told her everything. From childhood friendship to adulthood gossip partnership. From Fayra's love for Arsh to His feelings for Fayra. Everything. At the end of the narration Danish's voice was heavy. He would cry here if he could. The girl sitting opposite to him, had tears in her eyes without knowing that she was the reason behind this new conflict between them. 

“Try to talk to her one more time. Gently. Carefully. Lovingly.” she whispered but Danish shook his head. 

“Koi fayda nhi… sab kuch kar ke dekh chuka hu uske liye, uski pasand ki har cheez uske qadmo mein rakh di, uske liye chand, taare, Suraj sab kuch le aau lekin wo har cheez ko thokar par rakh deti hai… use wo jannat pasand aa chuki hai jis par se use neeche pheek diya gya, wo zameen nhi dikhti jisne use aasra diya, jeene ki nayi wajah di.” Danish looked at the coffee table in front of him, an empty ashtray was still present there, he felt an urge to burn a cigarette to burn his pain along but the very next moment he recalled the promise he made to his father. No harmful activities. 

(There’s no point… I’ve tried everything for her. I placed everything she ever liked at her feet. I could bring her the moon, the stars, even the sun—but she kicks it all away. She’s grown fond of that heaven from which she was thrown down. She can’t see the ground that gave her shelter, that gave her a new reason to live.)

“Us Jannat me aesa kya tha jo tum use zameen par nhi de paa rhe? Kabhi socha is baare mein?” A long silence was broken by Aisha's question. 

(What was so special about that heaven that you couldn’t give her here on earth? Have you ever thought about that?)

“Main to sab kuch de rha hu, wo hi nhi dekh paati meri mohabbat.” Danish shrugged and pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. He bought this today only because he needed it. Aisha was surprised to see that, he looked up towards her face, her widely opened eyes telling him how bad she felt to see a cigarette in his hand. 

(I'm doing everything for her but she can't see my love.)

“I'm sorry.” He put the packet aside and picked up the glass of water from the coffee table. Aisha was silent for a long time, maybe some five or ten minutes. It was not difficult for her to understand Danish's pain, once she had been living in the same pain. 

“You know what, Danish,” she took a tiny pause, he looked up. “Aurat ko paana jitna muskil hai utna hi asaan bhi hai… wo jitni mehngi cheez hai utni hi sasti bhi hai. Use khazane se nhi khareeda jaa sakta lekin do pyaar bhare alfaaz me wo bik jaati hai.” 

(Winning a woman is as difficult as it is easy… She is as precious as she is inexpensive. Sometimes, you can’t buy her with treasure, but she gives herself away for a few sweet words.)

“What do you mean?” He was confused.

“Everyone’s love language is different, as far as you have told me about Fayra, I guess her love language is nothing else but sugar coated words. You have been giving her everything but she never recognised your love, maybe she liked Arsh because of his cheesy flirting.” she shrugged 

“My pure love doesn't mean anything to her but his cheap talks do?” He was in pain. Emotional pain. Aisha sighed.

“Try to understand Danish, you were nothing to her other than a cousin but that guy… he was her love. And… girls focus on their love instead of a cousin's efforts. Don't blame her. And talk to her. Sweetly. She is your wife, flirt with her if she likes it. Okay?” Danish was unable to blink his eyes. Flirt? Really? How to do it? He didn't know. Well, Anzala would be ashamed of him, he could disown him if you knew that his only son was a big failure in the area of his expertise. 

“Aesa kya dekh rhe ho mujhe? Biwi se flirt karne ko bool rhi hu, Koshish kar ke dekh lo. Ho sakta hai maan jaye.” she shrugged with a smile but in reality she was controlling herself to cry. She was seeing a twenty one year old Aisha in Fayra, who fell for a guy because of his sugar coated words. She knew girls want these small gestures of love. They blindly trust a guy who lets them live in a beautiful dreamland.

(What are you looking at like this? I'm telling you to flirt with your wife, not with any other girl. Try it. Maybe she will be happy with you.)

<><><><>

“What's wrong Fayra? Why are you upset?" Sara asked nth time but her daughter was not comfortable sharing anything with her.

“Nothing." 

“Listen to me" this time Sara was serious and Fayra stopped munching on the chips before focusing on her mother, however she already knew the subject of the upcoming conversation.

“Anzala bhai and Maizah want a formal farewell, they want you to shift with Danish so that he will not live alone.” Faira inhaled deep and paused a few seconds before exhaling. Maybe gathering some courage.

“Ask Badi mummy and bade papa to talk to their son. Maybe he is already not alone.” Faira was enraged.

“What do you mean?" 

“I clearly mentioned that I'm not ready for farewell. That's it." Faira announced and walked out of the room. She knew, sitting with Sara would lead to another discussion so she picked an easy way. 

"Fayra aapi, Danish bhai wants to talk to you, he is…” Zunera came running but her speed decreased as she stepped closer to Fayra. 

"Tell him to stop this drama. Tell him to live his life as he is already living and stop making my life more difficult.” Fayra slammed the door loudly, Danish heard everything. 

He was unable to understand what he had done to get this rudeness in return of his pure love.

He looked here and there, this silent home was making fun of him. He felt like running away from home and he actually did so. But where did he want to go? 

There was no place other than Aisha’s home however he didn't want to disturb her so decided to go somewhere aimlessly but sometimes life gives you an aim unknowingly. 

“Danish, where are you going?" A voice stopped him when he was about to walk out of the building. It was Aisha coming back from the supermarket. Carrying numerous grocery bags in her hands she was looking tired. 

“I… I just.” Danish didn't know what to reply. He silently grabbed more than half of the burden present in the hands of this girl and followed her to her apartment. 

"Water?” Aisha offered him water but he shook his head while setting the bags in the kitchen. 

“Danish?" 

“Hmm" still busy with bags he hummed without bothering to look at Aisha. “Will you tell me what's bothering you?" She asked in a hushed tone. Walking ahead she slowly pulled a chair for him and gestured to him to sit. 

“I… I want to go somewhere.” He tried to walk back but there was something in Aisha's eyes which stopped him. 

“You can trust me." She muttered as if reading inconvenience in his eyes. 

“I love her like life, but she's avoiding me like death." His voice turned heavy as he muttered the last two words. Aisha noticed tears in his eyes.

‘Do men also cry for love?’ the heart that once cried for love asked the Almighty. Resulting her own eyes filled with tears.

“Cry if you want. Don't bottle up these emotions.” Wiping her own tears she gestured to him to sit and  him alone. 

Face buried in palms, he let the tears flow out silently. Aisha was watching him from the kitchen but didn't disturb him. She knew a man would not cry in the presence of a girl. Humans want to show themselves strong in front of others, it gives them a sense of security that their weaknesses aren't publicly displayed. 

Taking a deep breath he blinked his eyes and uncovered his face. Aisha was in front of him, she was cooking something without paying any attention to him, her back was facing her. Her head was covered with dupatta like always. 

He felt an urge to smoke, for the last many days a packet of cigarettes and lighter resting in his present but Anzala’s words were stopping him, however not anymore. Soon a faint line of smoke started diluting in the air. He desired to burn himself from inside with this smoke to subside the file of love already suffocating him. 

Aisha recognised this fainted burning smell mingling in the air and turned to see the ongoing scene. A cloud of smoke left Danish's nostrils, the very next moment he puffed on the cigarette. She closed her eyes for a moment and resumed her work. Serving two bowls of tomato macaroni soup she walked towards the dining table. 

“Enought.” placing one bowl in front of him she slowly pulled the half consumed cigarette from the grip of his fingers and crushed it on the empty saucers. “Have it." She put a slice of crispy garlic bread beside his bowl and took her seat beside it. 

For the next few minutes there was no voice, no movement in the room other than the clock hands but Aisha was the first to break this silence. 

"Write her a letter.” she lifted the very first spoonful of soup and muttered. 

"She is not even attending my call, do you really think she will read my letter?” Danish found it a useless solution. 

"You can't predict without trying.” She looked at Danish then towards the bowl of soup in front of him. Her eyes asked him to lift the first spoonful and he unwillingly obeyed.

"Do you really love her?” She asked and Danish shrugged. 

"She says I don't love her, it's just obsession or attachment… but maybe she is wrong. I do.” 

“Write her a letter. Don't confess your love, just tell her how you feel with and without her." Aisha forced a smile and for the first time in this one hour Danish noticed her face. 

"Why are you looking pale?” he asked and Aisha sighed painfully. She had a fever for the last twenty hours but there was no one to look after her. 

"Maybe due to work stress, I'm looking for a job and honestly it's tiring." She hid her actual condition and they both continued having the delicious soup. 

<><><>

The illumination of the moon was the only glow shrinking the darkness of the room. His harsh breath was the only chime ringing in this limitless silence. 

Hey Faru…

It has been a long time since we talked, I hope you're… he scribbled on a paper but crushed it in between his hands. It felt like a formal letter to a long distance friend. No emotions. No attachment. No feelings. But he had an ocean of feelings present inside him, how could he write with ink when he could bleed his heart on paper? Picking up another paper he started scribbling. Even the darkening didn't bother him. 

Meri pyari Fayra,

Kesi ho tum? Main yaha theek hu, lekin sach batau to kuch theek nhi lagta. Ek ajeeb khalipan hai. Kayi baar dil chahta hai wapas aa jau lekin phir sochta hu ki kya fayda, waha bhi to is khalipan ka koi ilaaj nhi hai. Tum batao, tum kesi ho? Tumhari bohot yaad aati hai. Main yaha aksar raat mein free betha hua aasmaan ko dekhta rehta hu, chand aur sitare kitne pyare lagte hain lekin mujhe adhura sa lagta hai… kabhi kabhi chand ko dekhte dekhte hi keh deta hu “Fayra zara ek cup chai banana.” Phir yaad aata hai tum to yaha ho hi nhi. Tum sath hoti to kitna achha hota. Tum mujhe apni sari baate batati main tumhe apni sari din ki masrufiyat bataya, hum sath baith ke chai Peete aur chand ko dekhte rehte. Lekin tum to aasmaan wale chand se bhi zyada dur ho, wo har rooz dikh to jata hai tum to har rooz dikhti bhi nhi ho. Kash main tumhe hamesha apne paas dekh sakta. Khair… apna khayal rakhna kyuki ab main waha nhi hu tumhara dhyan rakhne ke liye. Mosam badal raha hai, abhi kuch thanda na khana, tumhe flu ho jayega. Coffee zyada na peena, phir sari raat jaagti rahogi, main to waha hu nhi, phir kiske room me jaa ke tum use preshan karke apna time pass krogi? Dhyan rakhna apna

Tumhare jawab ka muntazir 

Tumhara Danish. 

He threw the pen and felt his heart crying helplessly. He was not only missing Fayra, but his family too. He was unable to deal with this loneliness.

(My dear Fayra,

How are you? I'm fine here, or maybe I'm not. There is an unnamed emptiness inside me. Many times I feel like coming back but then I think what is the benefit, there is no cure for this emptiness anywhere. Well, leave it and tell me your whereabouts. How are you? I miss you so much. I often skygaze whenever I'm free at night. The moon and stars look so beautiful but they feel incomplete to me… Sometimes, I lose myself in the moonlight and unknowingly say loudly “Fayra, please make me a cup of tea.” only to realise you're not here. It would be great if you were with me. Over a midnight tea, you would talk to me endlessly while gazing at the sky, I would share every moment of my day with you. But the reality is opposite, but you are farther than the moon in the sky. At least the moon appears every day — you don’t. I wish I could always see you by my side. Anyway… take care of yourself because there is no Danish to look after you. The weather is changing, don’t eat anything cold right now — you’ll catch the flu. And don’t drink too much coffee, or you’ll stay awake all night. I’m not there anymore, so whose room will you go to and annoy just to pass your time? Take care of yourself.

Looking forward for your reply 

Your Danish.)

<><><><>

Author's Note:

Zinda hu main

🫣

This chapter was not easy for me. I literally fought with myself to write. I need feedback, either on Wattpad or in my Instagram DM. Send a little motivation so that I can write something new and better. 🥺

Bye, 

Your Author 

Naaz Jamal