ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Swati Kanungo hails from Odisha and describes herself as a simple, grounded soul, juggling the roles of both a homemaker and a working professional. Her journey with words began during her college days through short pieces of poetry. However, life took a pause on her writing when she got married. Years later, after an accident left her on bed rest, she found her way back to writing—and has been trying not to stop ever since. Swati draws inspiration from nature, human suffering, heartaches, lies, deceit, and the follies of life. Her reflections often emerge from raw, emotional spaces. She also expresses heartfelt gratitude to Buktree for inspiring the piece she shares today.

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Love Notes on an Unrequited Love

Dear Didact,

I am writing this letter, perhaps this letter will never reach your hands, e-mail or any form. I do not want you to know my veracious feelings, the emotions of a woman, where chaos meets calmness. The other day when I messaged you my sentiment, you gave a laughing emoji and wrote, 'Oh! Nice words!' You never acknowledged nor you said about yourself. My love for you got entangled and in the process of untwining, I myself got emotionally attached, the noose forever tightening. Do I want to escape.. Sometimes I ask my soul...There's no escapement of memory. I ache, as a woman my heart burns with an agony, undescribed and unfulfilled.

The agony is still there,

unfulfilled and forlorn

Like the single rose bud glowing

All alone I bloom.

No friends, no foes

Along with patience, I float

Broken dreams dead

And ashened Jasmine falling down.

What have I got,

I need not lament:

'Tis the play of fate

A fate of woes and pain

Deep rooted through my life

Beyond and forever I'll just go on.

I haven't forgotten the day, time and year when we first met. It feels like yesterday. You and I had been part of a journal submission article held online. While you had been a professional, I was only a starter and inexperienced. You were extrovert meanwhile I was introvert as well as shy. Even though we were poles apart, we clicked with each other like birds of a feather flocking together. We talked to each other for many months. We knew about each other, but still you avoided me many a times, you never shared your aim and aspirations with me. When life has fragilities, when it is too frivolous, then one wants to share everything about one's life. What did I want -I wanted some love and affection from you. I wanted to be a part in your life.

I don't know where you are now..or what you're doing, or in what situation, but I know I miss you terribly . Words can't describe how much I miss you. Atleast please say you're well. I don't need anything else from you. Why can't you understand how much I am worried for your health. Yet, you never gave a thought of sharing about your health, tensions or common place thoughts. But again, you were the best friend, a friend one needs at the time of false presence of so called friends and false pride of everyone. You were just a humble soul, sans bravado. You are an exemplary person, perfect in every way. I idolized you, honored you in my heart and mind, although you kept looking away. Well, "When you give someone your whole heart and he doesn’t want it, you cannot take it back. It’s gone forever.” — Sylvia Plath, and it is so true. I have given you my whole being, my whole heart, yet you have made it into a plaything, a toy. From ruins you had lifted me and to the ashes I return.

Fragmented hope unduly waves forth

From the drunken desires of friendship

Flaunting from the ashes of love,

Forever gloom will joke.

Ashes to Jasmines blooming

Aurora of midnight glooms,

Alluring and fragrant

Amiable spells of friendship.

Ruins that I hold now

Unrequited and forbidden

From ashes I gathered,

To ashes I go down.

Remember the first time I talked to you, you prayed for me, always prayed for my protection, what happened now a days? Why have I fallen from your grace. You were the only bestie I had, who knew my past, my present and future too. You knew who I was like the back of your palm. .weren't we soul friends. Was not it anything? Even today you have not the heart and mind to respond. Perhaps I have put the axe on my own leg. I was like an open book to you, you have not read my feelings but continued to hurt me with your non responding attitude and lack of interest. Why did you play with my feelings?

I was your muse and so were you to me. For you only I wrote pieces torn from my soul. My dear were you not my shore and I your ocean? Sometimes you compared me to jasmine and yourself to sun. I really did get energy from you. The metaphysical love did exist between us. I really did love you from the bottom of my heart, as a best friend, to share things with you. People believe in situationship, live according to situation, adjust accordingly mindset. They say go with the flow. When the river of love is not streaming, then how can one go with the flow..Believe me or not, from now on there will be silence on my side. Your silence has deeply wounded me, not to mention the thought, the care and the deep rooted ideas.

Can I ever forget those days of February , the love, that you had for me, the Valentine's day message you had written for me? Or was it just pretence? Were you just playing with my emotions? Again and again, I wanted your love. But instead you remained silent, never reciprocated. Am I wrong to assume that I am nothing. Then why did you start the conversation from your side? Why did you ever support me? I have never begged anyone to love me. Then why should I besiege you? It is said that love begets love, hate begets hate, only this does not apply to me and you. Perhaps Fate has other stories.

Unrequited love is perhaps the worst kind of love one can have. Neither you can say anything or tolerate the pain that consumes you. What kind of love you had had for me, I never understood. Was it true, was it false? One sided or did you truly loved me? Your Valentine's message said something else, yet you never did accepted my love. We have separated never to meet again. Never would I fall love again.

Yours ever Instructress