It was late; 15 minutes past midnight. Sleep eluded Ermina as she lay restless, twisting and turning in bed. She tried every position, yet peace escaped her. Her mind was consumed with one thought;

"If only he were here... What if he was here, married to me... everything would be different then..."

Ermina knew he was deluding herself while picturing a life where he would have picked her up from the bus stand, shielding her from the chaos she went through in the morning. A home they’d share, filled with laughter and warmth, where he’d cook, and she’d assist him, sneaking playful glances across the kitchen. But none of that was real. Ermina was caught in a web of unfulfilled dreams. 

As she closed her eyes to sleep, his face lingered in her thoughts, compelling her to unlock her phone. She opened Instagram—her secret account, known only to Qizra. Her finger hesitated over his profile. 

"Get over him, Ermina!" she whispered, her voice sounding frustrated. 

But Qizra's words from weeks ago played in her mind;

"Closure comes when you confess, not when you keep running away. You’ve carried this guilt for too long. Tell him how you feel. At least then, you’ll have clarity—whether he says yes or no. He deserves to know, and you deserve peace."

The memory sent a shiver down her spine. Taking a deep breath, Ermina clicked the button sending him a friend request.

Her heart raced as she typed a message;

"Hey, it’s Ermina. This is my new account..."

She stopped midway, her fingers trembling. For a fleeting moment, she wanted to confess already.

"Oh no, no, no!" She hastily deleted the message, but it was too late. Her finger had brushed ‘Send.’ 

"What have I done?" She gasped, burying her face in her hands. Panic surged through her when the phone buzzed.

She looked at the screen. He was typing. 

Her heart hammered as she read his replies: 

"Oh, it’s you."

"I missed you."

"I’m happy we’re connected again."

Ermina’s breath hitched. She was over the moon, a smile spreading across her face.

Memories of their conversations flooded her mind as she lay back on the bed, replaying their moments together. She looked for the pen drive in the drawer next to her bed; containing screenshots of their chats.

Looking at his pictures, she felt a spark of hope. 

"Should I confess? Maybe he'll say yes. " She wondered. 

Her mind battled between courage and hesitation.

That's when an idea crossed her mind. She opened her notes app and started writing: 

Dear Mr. A,

I never expected that accepting your friend request would bring such a beautiful and meaningful connection into my life. Only I know the depth of what I truly felt for you; feelings I denied, again and again, even when you kept asking about them. You might not know this, but my friend and I even gave you a secret nickname, "Paytm," so my family wouldn’t know I was talking about you.

From those days in April 2018 and throughout the year that followed, we grew close, discovering new sides of each other. Those memories have become a treasured chapter in my life. When we lost touch for a few months while I took a break for my studies, I began to understand more about relationships.

I admired your respectfulness in even the smallest things, and I saw you as a genuine kind person, even through your words.

Sometimes, letting go is necessary, especially when memories and feelings keep coming back. Writing this letter is my way of letting you go, completely.

We always wished the best for each other, and you shared advice with me that I’ll carry forward. I hope that by sharing these words, the guilt within me will fade away. I wish you a better, happy, healthy, and prosperous life ahead. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Your secret admirer,

EK

@captivating_visual_vignnettes

She crafted a heartfelt letter, pouring her emotions onto a backdrop with the caption: 

"Sometimes letting go is better than holding on."

She created a post for her Instagram and posted it as an extra letter in 5 letters writing content by @buktree on Instagram.

Ermina then sent him a few reels, hoping he might still be awake. When she realized he wasn’t, she finally lay down to sleep. 

*****

In the dead of night, she took her walk towards a dark hallway. She was scared, and her breaths quickened. A dim light caught her attention, spilling from a room. Curious, she peeked inside. 

She saw a couple cuddling on the bed. She stepped back but paused, something compelling her to look closer. 

"Wait... is that me? And... him? Who is he?"

 A voice echoed from the room, “Shaizaan, I love you.”

Her eyes snapped open, and she shot upright in bed, breathing heavily. 

"What kind of a dream was that? " Ermina asked herself, all confused.

"Shaizaan? Who? Why was I cuddling him?" She whispered, confused, and grabbed her phone to search for the name.

"I never heard that name before. Then why was I confessing my love to him?"

That's when the Google search results revealed, that Shaizaan means "brave".

"Wait... Mr. A’s name also means brave. Is this a sign?"

Her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. 

"Itni subah kaun aaya hai?" She muttered.

(Who could it be this early?)

Heading towards the door, she remembered,

"Ohh haan. Qizra k bhai aane wale the..."  

(Qizra's bhai was supposed to arrive.)

"Qizra!" She called her walking back towards the stairs.

"Shayad so rhi hogi..."

(Maybe she's sleeping.)

She opened the door, and her breath hitched. She was stunned to look at him as the aura around him, drew her in.

"Masha Allah." Ermina whispered looking at the light-trimmed bearded guy with long eyelashes. The dark cola orbs attracted hers. 

She thought... It's like the first sight love... Is it what people say that feels like this... and the song Maula mere Maula started to play in her head... 

He snaped his fingers in front of her making her realise she was staring at him.

"Assalamualaikum Bhai..." She said feeling embarrassed and walked him to Qizra's room...

But her heart whispered, "Bhai...? Nahi yaar...dil krta hai inhe Bhai nhi... haseen janeman bulaun.. " Ermina scolded herself in her mind and continued, "Tauba tauba... Astagfirullah... Yeh kdrama ne tumhe sahi mein bigad diya hai..." She almost stumbled to Shaizaan and looked at him, who was waiting for her to point at Qizra's room. Ermina nervously smiled and knocked on the door,

(Bhai? No way. I wants to call Mr Handsome, My life, the reason of my heartbeat.)

(Oh my Goodness. These Kdrama(s) have really spoiled you

"Qizra, Bhai aaye hai tumhare..." She opened the door. Qizra who was lying on the bed, walked towards the door.

(Qizra, here is your Bhai.)

" Assalamualaikum Bhai." Qizra greeted and Shaizaan took her in a lovely embrace.

" Walaikum Assalam. Ab tabiyat kaisi hai? "Shaizaan asked.

(How are you now?)

"Abhi behtar hun, bhai." 

(Feeling better, bhai.)

"Mere aane ki khushi mein tum toh bimaar padh gyi, Qizra." Shaizaan joked only to receive a slap from Qizra on his arm.

(Qizra, You fell ill in the excitement of welcoming me? Great.)

"Bhai..." She scolds him.

"Ab taakat aa gyi tumhe. Tab toh theek ho tum.. " Qizra looked furiously at Shaizaan, who was rubbing his arm and holding a teasing smile, for this comment but this made Ermina giggle.

(With the intensity of this act I declare your recovery.)

Shaizaan looked behind him to see her but Ermina covered her mouth with her hand and walked down to her room giving them some privacy.

Reaching the room, she lay down and kept herself busy scrolling Instagram. That's when her eyes went to his profile. Mr. A removed his DP, sending her into a whirlwind of overthinking.

She thought he might be changing his DP, so she gave it some time. While doing her daily chores and freshening up, she thought to message Jeremy, asking for a male perspective. 

"Hey... Main ek story likh rhi hun, (I'm writing a story) and I am confused at a part. If a girl has feelings for a guy after years of one-sided love but wants to move on, should she confess?"Jeremy was busy with his overtime work when he read Ermina's messages.

"Is she asking about herself?" Jeremy was confused too as he heard from Qizra and Ambika about Mr. A.

He soon replied, "Confession might help her find closure. It’s tough, but in her case, it’s the best way to let go of guilt."

Ermina pondered his words, her mind clouded with possibilities causing her a headache. She took a nap not before peaking downstairs where Qizra and Shaizaan were having lunch while nagging and teasing each other, and soon the evening fell.

She sat down on her bed, watching the sky shift hues from the window of her room. Her mind spoke a few lines to her and she found it matching with her situation of love.

"Mujhe samajh nhi aa rha

Ki jab kuch hai nhi

Toh mere dil mein yeh bechaini kyun?

Unke naam, unke zikr pe mere dil k ajeeb haal kyun ho jaate hai?

Jab bhi unka message aata hai ya story daalte hai, sab kuch chhodke bas unhi ki chah kyun rehti hai?

Dil mein jaise ek nayi duniya bas jaati hai..

Jab kuch hai hi nhi toh baar baar kyun milna hota hai...

Alvida kehne k bawajood phirse baatein shuru ho jaati hai

Kitni baar khud ko roka hai

Pr khud ko bekabu paati hun unke mamle mein...

Salon k baad bhi wahi purane jazbat ehsaas reh jaate hain

Ek mulakat, kuch aur baatein krne k chakkar mein

Phir sochne pe majboor ho jaati hun

Ki yeh ehsaas kya hai?

Kya yehi mohabbat hai?

Mohabbat hai, haina?"

(O, my heart, why do you feel restless?

When there’s nothing,   

Why do strange emotions rise  

At the mention of his name?  

With every message, every story he posts

Why do I forget myself to focus on them?  

It’s like a new rose blooming in my heart,

A rose with thorns. 

Why do I long for another meeting, when there’s nothing to meet for?  

After every goodbye,

Why do conversations begin once again? 

Each unsuccessful attempt is a testimony of my hard try,

But in matters of him, I find myself helpless,  

The same old feelings, the same emotions,  

Remain, even after years.  

A single meeting, a few words shared,  

And once again, I am left wondering:  

What is this feeling?  

Is this love?  

Is it love, isn’t it?)

She wanted to publish it but the notification caught her eyes.

He uploaded his new picture.

"Wow!! MashaAllah!!" She said looking at the new picture he published after 3 years, the last time they chatted.

"Maybe he too feels something for me... Why would he publish now? Just after when we got back in contact. He even changed his DP." She said to herself and continued, "I should tell him. Jeremy is right. I need to clear this part..." 

She clicked his profile and started messaging him,

"Hey... I have something to tell you. "

She bites her lips while continuing typing with her trembling fingers,

"Actually... Maybe I like you... I don't know why... But I do... and it's from the time we first chatted, yes, the year 2018."

"I know you might scold me or may even stop talking to me but I think I should tell you this. Every time you are mentioned or you upload a story or post your pictures, it makes my heart flatter, my heart skips a beat at your glimpse. I don't know why... But it is happening to me even now. Like recently, when you removed DP I was worried and now that you posted your pic, I was like MashaAllah, and my heart skipped a beat seeing you after years... I don't know why wanted to tell you this today... Uhh... Sorry..." 

"I am sorry..." She was waiting for his reply when she looked at the time. He is usually online at night.

But soon the notification popped up.

"What??!!" She covered her mouth in shock and surprise. She read the replies by him...

"Don't say sorry..."

"I am currently traveling for a project work. I'll get back to you later." Her heart skipped a beat reading the message. She was on cloud 9. She was extremely happy... Anyone could read her face and say something good happened to her.

She wanted to message something more but then stopped herself. She held hope maybe this time, things would be different.

"He said he'll get back. I can wait..." She smiled.

"If he said yes, I'll surprise Qizra by saying, I found your brother-in-law... I'll be getting married soon."

Her mind said,

"I just hope his intentions are for Nikah if he says yes..."

She scrolled through Instagram reels but every reel had some quotes like 

"Don't get your hopes high." 

Ignoring them, she prepared for classes the next day.

But then while thinking about every situation that could happen, her heart whispered the lines,

"Agar aitraaf e mohabbat krun toh Maan jayenge kya?

Mere iss bechain dil ko, jazbaton ko samajh payenge kya?

Jiske har dhadkan mein har Sanson mein aapka naam ho,

Uss mohabbat, uss jazbat ko apna banayenge kya?

Agar aitraaf e mohabbat krun toh Maan jayenge kya?

Meri khamoshiyan, dafan Raaz aur ehsaason ko samajh payenge kya?

Jo har mod pe aapke aane ka intezar krti hai, aapke safaltaon ki dua krti hai,

Unn khwabon ko, unn ehsaason ko haqiqat banayenge kya?

Agar aitraaf e mohabbat krun toh Maan jayenge kya?

Khubsurat sitaro se hamara jahan sajayenge kya?

Agar haan keh dun toh Maan jayenge kya?

Mujhe apni manzil banayenge kya?"

(If I express my love, would you embrace it?  

Would you understand this restless heart of mine,  

Whose name echoes in each beat I carry—  

Will you claim that love, that longing, as your own?

If I express my love, would you embrace it?  

Will you listen to the silences, the untold secrets of mine?  

That wait in every quiet moment, yearning for your success,  

Will you turn these dreams into truths we live?

If I express my love, would you embrace it?  

If the stars above whisper that we are destined to meet,  

Will I, in the end, become your destiny—  

A story woven through your arms, your heart, your soul?)

Reading it again and again she realized, she should publish it on her Instagram account.

She made a reel while sitting on the edge of the bed where her half-ironed clothes were kept. She kept scrolling through Instagram to find who liked the reel she just posted.

She was so happy.

"Ab toh mujhe bhook bhi nhi lag rhi... So jaati hun.. Subah jaldi uthna hai..."

(Now I'm not even hungry. I should sleep now to wake up early.)

*****

Ermina was watching herself in the mirror as he wore the red embellished kurta and pants with her head veiled by a heavy embroidered red dupatta. 

"You look so beautiful, Masha Allah."

"Jazakallah," She whispered and looked at Shaizaan through the mirror.

"Mujhse shaadi krengi?" He asks all of a sudden.

(Will you marry me?)

"What???!!"

Ermina sat up on the bed with messy hair, confused.

"What was that? Why are my dreams like this?"

To be continued...